Learning

I'm learning a lot this summer. I'm learning about so many different things, life in general, people, relationships, a lot about God, horses, camp life, and especially about me. There are a lot of people that are teaching me, or helping me, or just holding my hand when it hurts. Cause for some reason, it really hurts when you grow. i want to grow, i want to change. That's been my goal for this summer, i just didn't expect it to hurt this much. I've cried in front of people, told people my secrets, reached out to love people, and amazingly, have let them love me back. I'm still growing and changing, i know I'm nowhere near where i need to be, and i know it'll hurt like hell getting there, but it'll be so worth it. i pray God will give me strength for this, cause i know it'll be hard. But I'm ready. I'm ready to hurt, I'm ready to heal, I'm ready to find out all i can be. i want my life to be a reflection of His glory, and it can't be if i keep walls up and don't let people ever really see me.

So here i am, scared out of my mind, hurting, wanting more than anything to just be loved.

Here i am, Father, change me.