Rae: *Laughing*
Laura: It's a good thing I'm so funny, or you would just be depressed all the time and like kill yourself or something.
Rae: Probably true. I'll have to make sure i marry someone with a really good sense of humor, or I'll be pretty much screwed.
Laura: Just not me, ok?
Rae: No, not you. We've lived together, and you know statistics say that couples that live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce. And I don't want to divorce you.
Laura: I'm gonna take that as a compliment....
Rae: Good.
Why is it that we have the most random, funny conversations when no one else is around to enjoy them too?
Showing posts with label CDO. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CDO. Show all posts
Feb 20, 2012
Jan 27, 2012
What Do You Love?
"What do you love? No inhibitions, just write what you love."
God Writing
Music My Dog
Sunshine Memories
Laughter Friends
Singing Waterfalls
Books Photos
Colour Sand
Colour Sand
Light Fields
Flowers Fences
Warmth Happiness
Quiet Sound
Jan 16, 2012
A New Chapter- Worship Thoughts
Change is the only absolute
in the world,
the only thing
that you can depend on.
Nothing stays the same.
Tomorrow will come,
bringing with it
new beginnings and sometimes
unexpected endings.
You can hold on to the past
and get left in the dust,
Or, you can choose to
jump on the ride of life
and live a new adventure
with perseverance and
an open mind.
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
We're facing a change within the internship at Camp David. One of us is leaving, moving on. At first all I could think about was how different it will be, how much harder, how it won't be like we had planned. But then God reminded me of something that was said, that "God saw this coming. It wasn't a surprise to Him." This is all part of God's plan. If we focus on the differences from how it has been, and how it will be, and view the future in a negative way, we won't be able to fully experience what God has planned for us. And He has some pretty interesting times ahead for all of us! Already we're seeing a shift in our lives, we're seeing how God is changing us. This next chapter is going to be filled with new experiences, different challenges, new people, and a different dynamic among us. It's exciting, and we're ready to see what God has in store for us! We're grateful for the time the three of us have been given, from the first night when we talked till all hours of the morning, to the spontaneous trips to town, to the dinner table conversations. It has been up and down, it's been filled with laughter, tears, and good times. We will miss Julia, but we know she has some pretty amazing things ahead of her, and we wish her the best!
This isn't an ending, it's a new beginning for all of us.
in the world,
the only thing
that you can depend on.
Nothing stays the same.
Tomorrow will come,
bringing with it
new beginnings and sometimes
unexpected endings.
You can hold on to the past
and get left in the dust,
Or, you can choose to
jump on the ride of life
and live a new adventure
with perseverance and
an open mind.
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
We're facing a change within the internship at Camp David. One of us is leaving, moving on. At first all I could think about was how different it will be, how much harder, how it won't be like we had planned. But then God reminded me of something that was said, that "God saw this coming. It wasn't a surprise to Him." This is all part of God's plan. If we focus on the differences from how it has been, and how it will be, and view the future in a negative way, we won't be able to fully experience what God has planned for us. And He has some pretty interesting times ahead for all of us! Already we're seeing a shift in our lives, we're seeing how God is changing us. This next chapter is going to be filled with new experiences, different challenges, new people, and a different dynamic among us. It's exciting, and we're ready to see what God has in store for us! We're grateful for the time the three of us have been given, from the first night when we talked till all hours of the morning, to the spontaneous trips to town, to the dinner table conversations. It has been up and down, it's been filled with laughter, tears, and good times. We will miss Julia, but we know she has some pretty amazing things ahead of her, and we wish her the best!
This isn't an ending, it's a new beginning for all of us.
Dec 11, 2011
The 1st Four Months
I've been a CDO intern for just over four months!! This is definitely something to celebrate! There were a few times i didn't think i'd make it this far. It's been a difficult journey to this point, and i'm not even halfway done yet. But it's also amazing, God has been revealing so much to me, even through the pain. I think that may be the only way He can get through to me, i barely talk to Him otherwise. I'm still trying to figure out the truth about God and who He is to me. That is something i want to get out of this intern-ship, a true understand of God. Even the idea that He loves me is so hard for me to imagine, i still don't really believe it but i'm getting there. I think starting to believe that God loves me and won't leave me is all i can handle right now, and i've been told that this may be where God wants me to stay for a while, until i truly believe with my whole heart that he loves me.
On the more practical side, i'm adjusting to living with 2 roomates and all of the responsibilities that come with that. I've also started mentoring a camper here in Rolla, that's going really well and (surprise surprise) i'm actually enjoying it! I've also had the opportunity to improve my public speaking skills through the recruting presentations i've done at colleges and youth groups. I've also learned a lot about horses, dogs, and animal care and training in general.
The best part, though, has to be the relationship i've been building with Linda. She's so incredible, and i wouldn't be here without her. She's fast becoming my best friend, big sister, and mentor. I've gotten to know her family as well, and i really like them too! Her parents are pretty cool and she's got a great little brother. It seems like we get closer all the time and i love it! She's more amazing than she even knows, but i know, and i thank God for her.
Dec 7, 2011
Laundry Room
The laundry room. It doesn't seem like it would be used for anything other than doing laundry, right? Well, then you just haven't seen it through the eyes of an intern!
The laundry room at CDO is far more than a place to wash clothes. It's a place where you can sit on the dryer and talk on the phone without being interrupted. It's a place where two of us can work together, singing Disney songs, laughing and getting to know each other. It's also a "refuge" to some of us. It's a safe place to go and think, cry, or scream at God without being overheard. It's a place to go if you're upset or angry and want to be alone for a while. If the leadership can't find one of us, the laundry room is usually where they look. It's not just a place to wash clothes, fold blankets or sort socks, it's a safe place for all of us.
The laundry room at CDO is far more than a place to wash clothes. It's a place where you can sit on the dryer and talk on the phone without being interrupted. It's a place where two of us can work together, singing Disney songs, laughing and getting to know each other. It's also a "refuge" to some of us. It's a safe place to go and think, cry, or scream at God without being overheard. It's a place to go if you're upset or angry and want to be alone for a while. If the leadership can't find one of us, the laundry room is usually where they look. It's not just a place to wash clothes, fold blankets or sort socks, it's a safe place for all of us.
Nov 30, 2011
Secret Angel Note
Earlier this evening Julia was getting a box of Snickers out of our pantry and found a secret angel note with my name on it. Secret Angels are something we have during camp, the staff draw names and write encouraging letters, pray for, or give small gifts to the person they chose. At the end of the week they have the option of telling their "secret victim" who they are. Anyways, it was a really sweet note, and the person must know me really well! They knew that hiding it with the Snickers meant that i'd eventually find it lol!
Nov 23, 2011
December Newsletter Article
CDO is putting out a December newsletter, and they have decided that the theme is going to be the internship and mentoring. Ben asked me to write an article for the newsletter, here's my original. Ben and Grace have editing power, so it'll prolly look a little different by the time it's printed.
After almost two years of hearing about Camp David, I finally came to work as a wrangler this past summer. I loved being involved in the Christian community here at camp, as well as being challenged spiritually. At the end of the summer I decided I wanted to go deeper, and asked to be accepted as an Intern. Since being here full-time I’ve been able to explore and discover new talents and interests I didn’t even know I had, like public speaking, office work, photography, and training and caring for animals. I come from a larger city, so getting involved in the ‘small town life’ while living at camp has been interesting, and definitely an added bonus! So far I’ve been challenged more than I thought I would be, and stretched farther than I thought possible, but I’ve also developed close relationships with the other interns and with my mentor. There have been times when all I wanted to do was quit, go back to the easier job I had before, and stop being “challenged and stretched”, but I’ve stayed, worked through my personal issues with the help of God and the staff here, and I’m better for it. This internship is not all sunshine and flowers, it’s hard work coupled with the staff’s desire to see me grow and change. It’s a tough environment, but I’m really glad God brought me here. And there are some really great times too! Things like a random trip to Goodwill with Julia and Laura, or a quick question for Linda that turns into an hour long conversation that leaves me feeling refreshed and excited. The worship we have together every day, the shared meals, deciding who gets to use the washer first or whose turn it is for dishes, things like this that are teaching us how to live together successfully are another sometimes fun-sometimes not, part of living in community. All in all, being an intern is quite possibly the best thing that’s ever happened to me!
After almost two years of hearing about Camp David, I finally came to work as a wrangler this past summer. I loved being involved in the Christian community here at camp, as well as being challenged spiritually. At the end of the summer I decided I wanted to go deeper, and asked to be accepted as an Intern. Since being here full-time I’ve been able to explore and discover new talents and interests I didn’t even know I had, like public speaking, office work, photography, and training and caring for animals. I come from a larger city, so getting involved in the ‘small town life’ while living at camp has been interesting, and definitely an added bonus! So far I’ve been challenged more than I thought I would be, and stretched farther than I thought possible, but I’ve also developed close relationships with the other interns and with my mentor. There have been times when all I wanted to do was quit, go back to the easier job I had before, and stop being “challenged and stretched”, but I’ve stayed, worked through my personal issues with the help of God and the staff here, and I’m better for it. This internship is not all sunshine and flowers, it’s hard work coupled with the staff’s desire to see me grow and change. It’s a tough environment, but I’m really glad God brought me here. And there are some really great times too! Things like a random trip to Goodwill with Julia and Laura, or a quick question for Linda that turns into an hour long conversation that leaves me feeling refreshed and excited. The worship we have together every day, the shared meals, deciding who gets to use the washer first or whose turn it is for dishes, things like this that are teaching us how to live together successfully are another sometimes fun-sometimes not, part of living in community. All in all, being an intern is quite possibly the best thing that’s ever happened to me!
Nov 21, 2011
Numb
For years I went through my days numb, not really feeling anything. I had built up walls high and thick, so nothing could hurt me, but instead of protecting me from just pain, I soon stopped feeling anything. I wasn’t happy or unhappy, I didn’t like or dislike anyone , I didn’t really feel anything. I could act happy or sad, convince people I was completely normal, without truly feeling anything. I needed to be numb just to get through life, but when I got here this summer my walls started to crumble, and by the time I started this internship they were pretty much gone. It sounds like a good thing, but once I started feeling things again my emotions went into overdrive. The pain is sharper, the love is deeper, I feel stress more, I laugh more, the loneliness is more consuming, but the time with people I care about is much sweeter. I’m not sure what to do, or even think about this. I’m hurting more then I was before, but at the same time I’m happier. I’m hoping that I feel everything so intensely right now cause I haven’t really felt anything for so long, and eventually my emotions will calm down and I will feel things normally.
Little Giraffe
The interns went to the National Missionary Convention in Atlanta this weekend, more about that later. I had a hard couple of days before we left and i didn't feel real great while we were there. On Friday night Linda and i were walking around, checking out some of the other booths and found one selling tiny figurines of animals. They were awfully cute, and i was looking for a giraffe but couldn't find one. The next day, when i came in to work at our booth sitting on the table was a cute little giraffe! Linda, Julia and Laura had found one and bought it for me to cheer me up. It was really sweet of them, and i love him! He's got big blue eyes and an adorable red tie! Thanks girls!!
Nov 15, 2011
Know Me There
“It isn't Narnia, you know," sobbed Lucy. "It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?"
"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan.
"Are -are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund.
"I am," said Aslan. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”
Sometimes i feel like i was brought to this place to learn Aslan by His other name, yes i know what that name is and i know who that is, but i don't really know Him. I know Aslan, I'm safe with him. And I want to be close to God, but right now I'm still to hurt and scared to try to be close to Him, so i'll just keep finding out about Aslan, who He is, what He is, and what He wants for me, and hope that all of that will translate to God.
"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan.
"Are -are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund.
"I am," said Aslan. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”
Sometimes i feel like i was brought to this place to learn Aslan by His other name, yes i know what that name is and i know who that is, but i don't really know Him. I know Aslan, I'm safe with him. And I want to be close to God, but right now I'm still to hurt and scared to try to be close to Him, so i'll just keep finding out about Aslan, who He is, what He is, and what He wants for me, and hope that all of that will translate to God.
Nov 14, 2011
Why I'm Here
"Why are you in this internship?"
That was the question, but what was my answer? I was given 20 minutes to think about it, it wasn’t nearly enough time, and yet it was far too much. It sounds like a simple enough question, but within it are so many more layers, so many more questions.
I’m here because I want to heal. I’m here because I want to serve God. I’m here to find out who God really is, I’m here to find love and acceptance, I’m here because I want to be here. I’m here to learn. I’m here to escape, I’m here to make a difference. I’m here for me. I’m here for God.
I came here because in this place I’m loved, I’m safe, and I’m happy. I do believe in this mission, I do want to be a part of it, but that’s not really the reason I came here. I asked to be a part of the internship because during the summer at camp i felt safe, and loved. I didn't want to leave, i want to go deeper, not just feel loved and happy, but love others and be whole.
I came for me. I want to heal, to stop hurting, and to be loved. I’m looking for God, and He’s everywhere here. I thought if I was here for more than a few weeks during the summer, I might find Him. The people here accept me, love me, and encourage me. I came to be closer to them. They’re why I’ve stayed. These past few months have been harder than I ever thought they would be, but I’m still here. I’m still struggling through, with their help. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them. It would be far too hard for me to handle on my own.
That’s why I’m in this internship. For me, for God, and for my friends.
Oct 27, 2011
untitled
Tonight i said something i thought i would never say. i said i was done with the internship and i wanted to leave. I changed my mind, in case you're wondering, and i didn't really mean it, i just felt like i couldn't do this anymore. Even tho i really want to stay.
i had a pretty ok day, nothing went terribly wrong. The only thing that was different was that Ben asked Linda to spend part of the weekend at a business conference with him, instead of with me. Not a big deal right? So she can't spend as much time with me as i had planned. Not something to get all upset about, but this is what made me question this whole internship. It goes like this:
Ben asked Linda to spend part of the weekend at a conference. Linda and i had planned to spend the whole weekend together in Springfield, hanging out with my friends and so she can see where i grew up, that kind of thing. It really upset me when i heard she wouldn't be with me as much, and i was surprised at my reaction. A year ago, even six months ago, it wouldn't have been a big deal at all. So we can't hang out, so what? But this time, i cried. i realized i was so upset because i like Linda, i like being with her, she's fun and funny and encouraging and a really great friend. And i'll miss the time with her. It hurt to think of missing time with Linda because i have so little time with her, only a year and the last 3 months will be filled with camp. Realizing that i'll miss her that much over just a few days made me think about how much i'll miss her at the end of this year. Then i'm just hurting thinking about it, and i wonder 'if it hurts this much now, and is going to hurt even more later, what's the point of the internship?' All of that pain and what? i go back to the same house, the same jobs, the same friends, the same hopeless situations. All of that pain, and nothing will change. i may be different but i'll go back and be stuck in the same world i left and it will all have been for nothing. So my next thought was 'why stay?' If it's all for nothing, then why stay, why keep myself in a place that will keep introducing new hurts, instead of the old ones i know how to live with.
i don't really have an answer yet, i know i need to stay. Even tho it hurts, it hurts because i'm healing. And i know this is the best place for me right now. When i leave i'll have changed, even if the circumstances i'll be going back to haven't, and when i get back i'll be different in them, so they'll be different. i know it will be worth it someday, even if it doesn't feel like it now.
i had a pretty ok day, nothing went terribly wrong. The only thing that was different was that Ben asked Linda to spend part of the weekend at a business conference with him, instead of with me. Not a big deal right? So she can't spend as much time with me as i had planned. Not something to get all upset about, but this is what made me question this whole internship. It goes like this:
Ben asked Linda to spend part of the weekend at a conference. Linda and i had planned to spend the whole weekend together in Springfield, hanging out with my friends and so she can see where i grew up, that kind of thing. It really upset me when i heard she wouldn't be with me as much, and i was surprised at my reaction. A year ago, even six months ago, it wouldn't have been a big deal at all. So we can't hang out, so what? But this time, i cried. i realized i was so upset because i like Linda, i like being with her, she's fun and funny and encouraging and a really great friend. And i'll miss the time with her. It hurt to think of missing time with Linda because i have so little time with her, only a year and the last 3 months will be filled with camp. Realizing that i'll miss her that much over just a few days made me think about how much i'll miss her at the end of this year. Then i'm just hurting thinking about it, and i wonder 'if it hurts this much now, and is going to hurt even more later, what's the point of the internship?' All of that pain and what? i go back to the same house, the same jobs, the same friends, the same hopeless situations. All of that pain, and nothing will change. i may be different but i'll go back and be stuck in the same world i left and it will all have been for nothing. So my next thought was 'why stay?' If it's all for nothing, then why stay, why keep myself in a place that will keep introducing new hurts, instead of the old ones i know how to live with.
i don't really have an answer yet, i know i need to stay. Even tho it hurts, it hurts because i'm healing. And i know this is the best place for me right now. When i leave i'll have changed, even if the circumstances i'll be going back to haven't, and when i get back i'll be different in them, so they'll be different. i know it will be worth it someday, even if it doesn't feel like it now.
Sep 23, 2011
Intro to the CDO Interns
Julia is studying to become a certified event coordinator and is involved with planning weekend retreats, fundraisers, and alumni staff events, overseeing the camp kitchen, planning retreat menus, and staffing the kitchen for retreats. She is also excited to be part of jump-starting the mentoring program. She does all cooking, meal planning, and most of the cleaning for the interns.
Rae was a wrangler during summer camp, and will be an exciting addition to the horseback riding lessons. She is a huge part of the brainstorming sessions, and is everyone's "right hand"! She is the easy going, laid back personality in the intern community!
Laura is a great help in the office this year, she is already showing her skills as a graphic designer. Laura is the entertainer among the interns, she keeps them on their toes 24/7.
Sep 13, 2011
Reflections
This is a letter introducing my time at CDO, and talking about some of the things that i learned at camp this summer. Enjoy!
Hi!
This summer I had the opportunity to work at Camp David of the Ozarks in Rolla, MO. This camp is for the children of prisoners, at-risk youth. Most of these kids wouldn’t ever get the chance to experience summer camp if not for this ministry, and most aren’t shown the Love of God in their everyday life. At this camp I had the opportunity to interact with these kids and talk to them about Christ. For 6 weeks this summer (5 weeks of camp and a week of training) I worked with the camp horses as a wrangler. It was an incredible experience! I learned so many things, about horses, relationships, life in general, and especially about God.
When I look back over the summer three things really stand out to me. The first is a camper we had the first Jr. girls week. She was so sweet, and shy. She was scared of the horses at first, but at the end of the first ride she said she loved horseback riding! I watched her that week, I watched as she became more comfortable and opened up to people more. She accepted Christ that week and I got to see her baptized before the end of camp. It was so incredible to watch her, she was so excited to have God as her “Daddy”. That one little girl made the whole summer worth it, and there were so many more kids like that.
The second thing that really stands out to me is just how God showed Himself to me every day in a thousand ways. Through His word, through the worship, through group prayer, through other people. Being out in His creation for hours every day showed me how remarkable it really is. Sunrises, sunsets, stars, light, dark, color, leaves, flowers, trees, water. It’s all so incredible, and I miss it so often. It’s so humbling to realized how complex this universe truly is, and to think that God still cares about and listens to me.
The third thing is something God began to teach me this summer. I’ve always thought of myself as strong, and God really worked on me this summer, to get me to a place where I realized that I’m not strong enough on my own. ”Ephesians 6:10 Lastly be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his power.” Be strong in the Lord, not in yourself. That was something camp taught me, I can’t do it all on my own, but through Christ I can do anything.
That’s just some of what happened this summer at camp. It was an incredible experience and I’m super excited to continue working at CDO throughout the next year as an intern. I know God will work in my life in amazing ways this next year, and I’m very excited to be a part of His work in this ministry.
Rae Marie
Hi!
This summer I had the opportunity to work at Camp David of the Ozarks in Rolla, MO. This camp is for the children of prisoners, at-risk youth. Most of these kids wouldn’t ever get the chance to experience summer camp if not for this ministry, and most aren’t shown the Love of God in their everyday life. At this camp I had the opportunity to interact with these kids and talk to them about Christ. For 6 weeks this summer (5 weeks of camp and a week of training) I worked with the camp horses as a wrangler. It was an incredible experience! I learned so many things, about horses, relationships, life in general, and especially about God.
When I look back over the summer three things really stand out to me. The first is a camper we had the first Jr. girls week. She was so sweet, and shy. She was scared of the horses at first, but at the end of the first ride she said she loved horseback riding! I watched her that week, I watched as she became more comfortable and opened up to people more. She accepted Christ that week and I got to see her baptized before the end of camp. It was so incredible to watch her, she was so excited to have God as her “Daddy”. That one little girl made the whole summer worth it, and there were so many more kids like that.
The second thing that really stands out to me is just how God showed Himself to me every day in a thousand ways. Through His word, through the worship, through group prayer, through other people. Being out in His creation for hours every day showed me how remarkable it really is. Sunrises, sunsets, stars, light, dark, color, leaves, flowers, trees, water. It’s all so incredible, and I miss it so often. It’s so humbling to realized how complex this universe truly is, and to think that God still cares about and listens to me.
The third thing is something God began to teach me this summer. I’ve always thought of myself as strong, and God really worked on me this summer, to get me to a place where I realized that I’m not strong enough on my own. ”Ephesians 6:10 Lastly be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his power.” Be strong in the Lord, not in yourself. That was something camp taught me, I can’t do it all on my own, but through Christ I can do anything.
That’s just some of what happened this summer at camp. It was an incredible experience and I’m super excited to continue working at CDO throughout the next year as an intern. I know God will work in my life in amazing ways this next year, and I’m very excited to be a part of His work in this ministry.
Rae Marie
Sep 12, 2011
Tears
She was looking at me, tears filling her eyes, “I love you” She said. I bowed my head, covered my face with my hands and began to sob. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been told I was loved. Tears fell, my whole body shook. Ii had never dared to imagine that she would love me, even tho I wanted her love so much it hurt to think she didn’t. I had worked so hard to do everything I could to earn her approval, at least, and here she was offering love. Not love in exchange for something, but love for just me.
Emotion overwhelmed me: pain, longing, joy, and love consume me. I’m aware of her leading me out of the building, across the driveway and into the house I was living in. We go into my room, she closes the door while I lower myself to the floor, still sobbing. She sits across from me and just lets me cry. After a few minutes I calm down enough to speak. “I don’t remember the last time someone said they love me.” Pain flashes in her eyes. It’s quiet for a few moments, and then she begins to speak.
We talk for over an hour, and her message is simple: I am worth loving. This alone is nearly impossible for me to believe, but then she adds something altogether unimaginable. She tells me that God has made me incredible, and if I would realize my potential, and truly shine, this world wouldn’t be ready for me.
When we left that room I didn’t look any different. But she had given me a hope, that someday someone else would love me enough to see what she saw, and be willing to give the time and energy to help me heal enough so I can see it too. I never imagined that for the next year that person would be her. If a year with her is all I get, I’ll make it count. Cause I want to see me the way she does, and I want to shine for her.
It’s remarkable what simple, heartfelt tears can start.
Emotion overwhelmed me: pain, longing, joy, and love consume me. I’m aware of her leading me out of the building, across the driveway and into the house I was living in. We go into my room, she closes the door while I lower myself to the floor, still sobbing. She sits across from me and just lets me cry. After a few minutes I calm down enough to speak. “I don’t remember the last time someone said they love me.” Pain flashes in her eyes. It’s quiet for a few moments, and then she begins to speak.
We talk for over an hour, and her message is simple: I am worth loving. This alone is nearly impossible for me to believe, but then she adds something altogether unimaginable. She tells me that God has made me incredible, and if I would realize my potential, and truly shine, this world wouldn’t be ready for me.
When we left that room I didn’t look any different. But she had given me a hope, that someday someone else would love me enough to see what she saw, and be willing to give the time and energy to help me heal enough so I can see it too. I never imagined that for the next year that person would be her. If a year with her is all I get, I’ll make it count. Cause I want to see me the way she does, and I want to shine for her.
It’s remarkable what simple, heartfelt tears can start.
Dependant
I was listening to a Dutton song and looking thru Wrangler pictures from earlier in the summer. Sounds pretty simple but it actually reminded me of something that I’ve been learning this summer. It’s OK to depend on other people. This is really hard concept for me, I’ve always been strong enough on my own, I don’t need other people… The song talks about how God created us to have relationships, and how even Jesus had friends he depended on. And as I was looking at the pictures of the wrangler team, I remembered what it was like to have that group that I could count on, that was always there, pushing me on when I needed it, helping me up when I fell, and encouraging me the whole time.
In this community we’re building thru the internship I’ve found I have to depend on others more than ever before. I live with these people, I can’t just hide behind my smile for a few hours and then go away like I can everywhere else. They’re starting to know me, to really see me. Not just what I want them to see, but what I don’t want them to see. It’s forcing me to be honest with them, and them with me. And I’m starting to depend on them, even confide in a few of them. It’s not what I’m used to, it’s not how I interact with people, it’s entirely different. But that’s ok, cause I’m learning and growing, and that’s what I’m here for.
In this community we’re building thru the internship I’ve found I have to depend on others more than ever before. I live with these people, I can’t just hide behind my smile for a few hours and then go away like I can everywhere else. They’re starting to know me, to really see me. Not just what I want them to see, but what I don’t want them to see. It’s forcing me to be honest with them, and them with me. And I’m starting to depend on them, even confide in a few of them. It’s not what I’m used to, it’s not how I interact with people, it’s entirely different. But that’s ok, cause I’m learning and growing, and that’s what I’m here for.
Aug 11, 2011
Andy
Hi Andy,
i was thinking about you today. I'm packing, getting ready for this next year. i wonder what you would say about CDO and this internship. i know you'd be happy, this is exactly what you wanted for me. i wish you were here. i want to show you around camp. i want you to meet the people I'll be living with. i want to sit in the hammocks and talk with you. i want, and need your advice. i want to feel your arms around me. i want one more day with you. i need you right now.
This is the most amazing and most terrifying thing I've ever done, and i need my big brother with me. But you're not here. So what do i do, Andy? I'm so scared, and I'm not ready for this. This next year will be amazing, but i don't want to to go through it without you. You're my star and i need you to shine. How does sunshine survive with out starlight? i don't know, i just survive. i remember the things you said, i remember your smile. i remember you wanted amazing things for and from me. You wanted me to shine, and you believed i could. Andy, for you I'll do my best, I'll work hard, I'll live every moment of this year, and I'll try to shine for you. i wish that was enough to bring you back, but since it isn't, just know that i miss you, and love you. You are the most fantastic big brother a girl could have.
i love you Andy,
Your Sunshine
i was thinking about you today. I'm packing, getting ready for this next year. i wonder what you would say about CDO and this internship. i know you'd be happy, this is exactly what you wanted for me. i wish you were here. i want to show you around camp. i want you to meet the people I'll be living with. i want to sit in the hammocks and talk with you. i want, and need your advice. i want to feel your arms around me. i want one more day with you. i need you right now.
This is the most amazing and most terrifying thing I've ever done, and i need my big brother with me. But you're not here. So what do i do, Andy? I'm so scared, and I'm not ready for this. This next year will be amazing, but i don't want to to go through it without you. You're my star and i need you to shine. How does sunshine survive with out starlight? i don't know, i just survive. i remember the things you said, i remember your smile. i remember you wanted amazing things for and from me. You wanted me to shine, and you believed i could. Andy, for you I'll do my best, I'll work hard, I'll live every moment of this year, and I'll try to shine for you. i wish that was enough to bring you back, but since it isn't, just know that i miss you, and love you. You are the most fantastic big brother a girl could have.
i love you Andy,
Your Sunshine
Shane
Dear Shane,
I'm getting ready to move away and start this internship at CDO. It's an amazing opportunity, a chance to experience something i never thought i'd be part of. i blame you.
God used you to start this whole thing. Do you remember the night we met? It was at church and you were talking about all that God has doing in your life, and especially about the prison ministry you are involved in. You talked about the boys center in Mt. Vernon, and i remembered working at the Boys Ranch. i remembered that i had wanted to work with teens that everyone else forgot, that didn't have a chance at a better life. You and i talked about Mt. Vernon, and i decided to start getting involved in that ministry. I'm so glad i did! It made me remember that passion i used to have for kids like that. I'd gotten distracted after high school, I'd forgotten how incredible it is to be involved in a ministry like that one.
Then when Kayla asked me to think about working at CDO this summer, it seemed like the natural thing to do. It was the next step. But i wouldn't have gone if i hadn't already been involved at Mt. Vernon. i've had the opportunity to work at CDO before but i haven't had the desire before. And while i was at CDO this summer, you supported me. i knew i could call you anytime, and when we did talk you laughed at my stories, just listened to me talk about everything, gave me advice, and generally kept me sane.
This internship is something God has been preparing me for and i didn't even know. God worked through you to help bring me to a place where i was ready and willing for something like this. You didn't just let God use you, you took the time to care about me, when i really needed someone.
So me being ready for this next year? Yea i blame you.
Aug 6, 2011
180
My life took a 180 last week. i had so many plans, i had the next two years planned out and in just a few days all that went out the window. i was lined up to get a better job, i was planning a trip to see my family in Texas and go camping in Galveston, then i was gonna move into an apartment with a friend of mine, and next summer/fall we were gonna go to Hawaii together. Next fall i was gonna start taking gen ed classes at OTC, and maybe some Bible classes at Evangel or BBC. i think God thought it was funny that i had everything all planned out and decided to teach me a lesson about His plans. So He picked up my whole world, shook it for a minute, and put it back down on it's side. Or at least that's what it felt like... Except in a good way... Maybe you just had to be there lol :p
Anyways, so i was accepted into the intern program at CDO, so for the next year i'll be living and working at camp. Not really what i had planned but i'm super excited! This is one change i'm completly fine with, i didn't know about the internship when i started working at CDO, but as soon as i heard about it i knew it was something i wanted to be a part of. So yea, my life got completely turned inside out and upside down but i know it'll be totally worth it!
Anyways, so i was accepted into the intern program at CDO, so for the next year i'll be living and working at camp. Not really what i had planned but i'm super excited! This is one change i'm completly fine with, i didn't know about the internship when i started working at CDO, but as soon as i heard about it i knew it was something i wanted to be a part of. So yea, my life got completely turned inside out and upside down but i know it'll be totally worth it!
Aug 2, 2011
Staff Worship
Wednesday nights at CDO were staff worship nights. We would all gather together in GTC basement and have a worship service. But i was completely different from any other worship I've been a part of. Josh and Ezra would lead the first few songs, then people would start asking for certain ones, then after 3 or 4 songs, someone would start singing the one they wanted next, and everyone else would join in. We all worshiped in different ways, but it was all ok. Everyone was open to new forms of worship, and no one made anyone else feel inferior for doing something a little different or unexpected. At times i would be standing and singing, other times my hands would be raised and I'd be dancing, sometimes I'd be openly crying, and other times I'd be on my knees too humbled by God's power to even speak. It was all ok. It was all excepted. It was real. It was so different from the churches I've been too. i felt free, like i could do anything and it's ok, accepted, and even encouraged. i was freely worshiping in a way i can't anywhere else. Other places i feel like people are watching, like they might not approve of my own brand of worship. That's why i love staff worship, no one is looking. It's all ok. And I'm really gonna miss it!
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