The Story Of Us

"I used to know my spot was next to you
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on

Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fallout
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up, I can't break through

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me

I don't know what to say


The battle's in your hands now
But I would lay my armor down
If you'd say you'd rather love then fight

So many things that you wish I knew
But the story of us might be ending soon..."

Family Tree

I heard this song today, and it was like God was talking right to me. It was really encouraging to think that God has a better plan for me, and He can look past my family history.

You didn't ask for this
Nobody ever would
Caught in the middle of this dysfunction
It's your sad reality
It's your messed up family tree
And all your left with all these questions
Are you gonna be like your father was and his father was?
Do you have to carry what they've handed down?
No, this is not your legacy

This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy
This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you
I have a dream for you
It's better than where you've been
It's bigger than your imagination
You're gonna find real love
And you're gonna hold your kids
You'll change the course of generations
No, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy
This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you
Cause you're my child
You're my chosen
You are loved
You are loved

And I will restore
All that was broken
You are loved
You are loved
And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You're brining new life to your family tree now
Yes you are
You are
No, this will be your legacy
This will be your destiny
Yesterday did not define you
No, this will be your legacy
This will be your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you
And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You're brining new life to your family tree now

One Day You Will

Tonight someone prayed over me, and one thing they asked for was that God would give me a special song, one that met me where i'm at and gave me hope for the future. I was listening to a Lady Antebellum album and this song came on.


"One Day You Will"

You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now

But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will

You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet

But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will


Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of

But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will


One day you will
Oh one day you will

Don't Give Up On Me

I don't go to church enough,
I curse out loud I drink too much,
I'm more of a sinner than a saint,
Gotta dusty bible on my shelf,
I just pick it up when I need help,
Lord knows there's a lot I need to change,
And I want to, baby you make me want to,

You tie the knot when I'm at the end of my rope,
You never stop believing in me when I don't know,
Who I am or what I'm supposed to be,
I don't give you no good reasons,
But baby don't give up on me

These are lines from one of my favorite songs. They describe me really well, and how certain people have made me want to be better. There's only a few of them, but i try to be better, for them.

Made My World

Made My World

I never thought of what I could be
Where I'd go
What I'd do
I never thought of what I should be
Until You
You came into my life
When I was all alone
You came down
And saved my soul

When I found my world was crashing
And I thought I'd lost my passion
You came and laid a hand
On this little girl
When I thought my dreams were fading
I looked up and saw You waiting
You reached Your hand down
And You made my world



I never thought of where I might be
If I turned away from You
I never thought of all I would need
Without You
You came down
When I was all alone
You came down
You came down
And saved my soul


i love this Jaci Velasquez song, i feel like this idea played out in my life in the last week or so.

Someone's Waiting For You

Be brave little one.

Make a wish for each sad little tear.
Hold your head up though no one is near
Someone's waiting for you.
Don't cry little one.
There'll be a smile where a frown use to be
You'll be part of the love that you see.
Someone's waiting for you.
Always keep a little prayer in your pocket
and you're sure to see the light.
Soon there'll be joy and happiness
and your little world will be bright
Have faith little one
'Til your hopes and your wishes come true.
You must try to be brave little one.
Someone's waiting to love you


i heard this song many years ago, and i've loved it ever since. i often feel like this was written for me, telling me to hang on till i find someone who will love me and take care of me.

Someone Worth Dying For

Someone Worth Dying For

You might be the wife, waiting up at night
You might be the man, struggling to provide
feeling like it's hopeless
Maybe you’re the son who chose a broken road
Maybe you’re the girl thinking you'll end up alone
Praying God can you hear me?
Oh, God are you listening?

Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I want to believe, I want to believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah, I want to believe, Jesus help me believe
That I am someone worth dying for
I know you've heard the truth that God has set you free
But you think you're the one that grace could never reach
So you just keep asking, Oh, what everybody's asking

Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I want to believe, I want to believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah, I want to believe, Jesus help me believe

That I am someone worth dying for
Your worth it, you can't earn it
Yeah, the cross has proven,
That you're sacred and blameless.
Your life has purpose!

You are more than flesh and bone
Can't you see your something beautiful
Yeah, you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see that
You're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known

You gotta believe, you gotta believe
That you are someone worth dying for
You're someone worth dying for
Someone worth dying for


The words in this song mean so much to me. i remember the first time i heard it... it's like it was written for me. Most of the time i feel like God is distant, not really caring or involved in my everyday life. i feel like I'm not seen and not known. It's hard for me to believe that I'm worth dying for. i don't believe that I'm worth protecting, and in my mind dying for someone is the ultimate protection. To think that God thinks I'm worth dying for is really hard for me to grasp. i want to believe it, but its so hard.

Gotta Be Somebody

Ok, so I was listening to music, and a popular Nickelback song came on. I’ve heard this song prolly 50 times but I’ve never really thought about it before. In this song the entire western philosophy of love is present. Don’t believe me? Let me show you. Here’s the song in it’s entirety and then I’ll break it down line by line and give my commentary.

Gotta Be Somebody/ Nickelback

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling

The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with


Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with


Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there




You can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)
When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh


Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there



And here’s my rather sarcastic commentary. i don't feel that i need to point out what is wrong with this picture, if you read the words and know even a little about real love, being unselfish, and caring about others you'll see what is wrong.


This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life ,the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling



Dreams, imagining, fantasy, but the “real” thing is so much better! And you’ll know it by the feeling, cause everyone knows love is just a feeling.


The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with


It’ll happen just like in the movies. All those romantic movies you watch? Yea it’s a good thing! Now you’ll know exactly what to look for, and you’ll recognize it when it happens. How can you not? You’ve watched it happen at least 462,000 times.


Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that


You want to feel like someone cares, not know for certain they care by their actions. My life in their hands, cause it’s not really 50/50, the other person is expected to carry the load.


Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere


Of course no one wants to be alone! And you shouldn't! There is definitely someone somewhere that also wants to not feel alone. And they're expecting you to make that happen. Just so you know.


There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with


It happens in a moment, you will realize in a single moment if this is the “one” (it usually involves a kiss!) And, dammit, it will feel just right, not too right, not wrong, not ok, just right!


Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there



You can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)
When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on


It will come to you, you don’t have to go out to find it, or work hard at keeping it. It’ll just happen. There is one person, out of 100,000 billion people on the planet for you. Only one that will make you happy for the rest of your life. But it’s ok, cause you’ll find each other. You're meant to be, destined for each other. There is no one that could make you as happy as this one person.


Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh

Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there


Just keep believing, it’ll happen without any work from you!
But what really sums up the philosophy of love, is this phrase right here: There's gotta be somebody for me. There is someone for me. It’s about me, and how someone else will make me happy.
And that, ladies and gentlemen is what is wrong with this culture’s view of love.

Not Guilty

I heard this song a couple of months ago and i've been thinking about it a lot. i really love the message in this song. This is exactly how i feel so much of the time.

"Not Guilty"

I stand accused
There's a list a mile long
Of all my sins
Of everything that I've done wrong
I'm so ashamed
There's nowhere left for me to hide
This is the day
I must answer for my life

My fate is in the Judge's hands
But then He turns to me and says
I know you
I love you
I gave My life to save you
Love paid the price for mercy
My verdict not guilty

How can it be? I can't begin to comprehend
What kind of grace
Would take the place of all my sin?

I stand in awe
Now that I have been set free
And the tears well up as I look at that cross

'Cause it should have been me
My fate was in the nail scarred hands
He stretched them out for me and said

I know you
I love you
I gave My life to save you
Love paid the price for mercy
My verdict not guilty

I'm falling on my knees to thank You
With everything I am I'll praise You
So grateful for the words I heard You say
I know you
I love you
I gave My life to save you
Love paid the price for mercy
My verdict not guilty

Silent Praise

There's a lot of music at Camp David. The staff go around randomly singing praise songs, pop songs, musicals, pretty much anything. That's what usually happens when you get a lot of teens together, so this is no surprise. What is really surprising and also really cool is something that happens during the worship service that happens before each meal & during chapel. A lot of these kids have learned some of the sign language to the praise songs. It's so incradible to watch, cause they will be singing with all thier heart, eyes closed and swaying in time with the music, and thier hands will be flying, signing the words they're singing. It's a whole new level of praise i didn't even know about. It's incredible to witness, and the little that i learned in three weeks amazes me still. It's so fantastic that i can not only sing with my voice, but also with my hands. It's a silent praise that i long to learn more of. i know it'll be a lolt of hard work but i know it'll be beyond worth it in the end.
                                                        

EZ Guy

So i just found out that a friend of mine has a MySpace Music page... And that he's an amazing singer! So ya'll have to check it out! i'm particularly partial to Super Human cause we sang it at a party at Camp David during staff training week. Anyway, he's really good so ya'll should go listen to his music! http://www.myspace.com/565756135

A Series Of Songs

Some people describe life as a series of scenes, sometimes they have a lead role, sometimes it's a minor part, and sometimes they simply stay backstage. Sometimes it's a monologue, and sometimes it's a big musical number with the whole cast. i like this view of life, but i have my own view that i like better. Or at least fits my personality better.
i look at life like it's a series of songs, the current one may be happy, it may remind me of something I’d rather forget, maybe it's one about a love i long for, or a friend i value. But whatever it is, it's just one song. Just one. All i have to do is make it through this song, and an different one will be next. Maybe not a 'better' one, but a different one. It may have it's own problems but at least it's different. And it may be a loud, happy song, one that reminds me that life, against all odds, really is worth celebrating.
Or it may be a slow, sad one that reminds me of someone I’ve lost, but it also reminds me of all the wonderful memories i have of that person.
Sometimes one song will last a whole day, and other times it only lasts as long as a phone call. There are old, familiar songs that I’ve heard many times before, and there are new, different songs.
i never know what will play next, i just have to take life one song at a time.

7X 70

This is for my mom.

7X70

I’ve been living in this house here

Since the day that I was born

These walls have seen me happy

But most of all they’ve seen me torn

They’ve heard the screaming matches

That made a family fall apart

They’ve had a front row seat

To the breaking of my heart

7 times 70 times

I’ll do what it takes to make it right

I thought the pain was here to stay

But forgiveness made a way

7 times 70 times

There’s healing in the air tonight

I’m reaching up to pull it down

Gonna wrap it all around

I remember running down the hallway

Playing hide-and-seek

I didn’t know that I was searching

For someone to notice me

I felt alone and undiscovered

And old enough to understand

Just when I’m s’posed to be learning to love you

Let me doubt again

7 times 70 times

I’ll do what it takes to make it right

I thought the pain was here to stay

But forgiveness made a way

7 times 70 times

There’s healing in the air tonight

I’m reaching up to pull it down

Gonna wrap it all around

I lost count of the ways you let me down

But no matter how many times you weren’t around

I’m all right now

God picked up my heart and helped me through

And shined a light on the one thing left to do

And that’s forgive you

I forgive you

7 times 70 times

If that’s the cost I’ll pay the price

7 times 70 times

I’ll do what it takes to make it right

I thought the pain was here to stay

But forgiveness made a way

7 times 70 times

There’s healing in this house tonight

I’m reaching up to pull it down

Gonna wrap it all around

Yeah

I’m gonna wrap it all around

I’ve been living in this house here

Since the day that I was born

Worship

i went to a concert Sunday nite, and on the way home i was thinking about worship. There are all kinds of debates about this, this is just my opinion based on my experiences. i've had some pretty interesting worship experiences, everything from the reverent, solemn hymns to the all-out crazy jumping up and down at a concert. i think both are true worship, but appropriate at different times. i was at a worship service at camp, and it was so powerful, i had my hands in the air, and tears pouring down my face. That was one of the best nights of my Christan walk, i felt God move in my life, and the lives of others around me. It was powerful, but no less powerful than singing "Amazing Grace" at my church. i think worship is in the heart, no matter what you're doing physically. Didn't David dance to praise the Lord? i think it's perfectly acceptable to be physical in your praise, as long as its the appropriate setting. Just my opinion.

I Wonder

Those of you who know me really well understand how this song affects me and why it always makes me cry. If you don't understand, than just know there are times where i feel some of what she is talking about.

 "I Wonder"

Sometimes I think about you

Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking bout me

And would you even recognize
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be

Cause I look in the mirror and all I see

Are your brown eyes looking back at me

They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California

There's sunny skies as far I can see

If you ever come back home to Carolina

I wonder what you'd say to me

I think about how it ain't fair

That you weren't there to braid my hair

Like mothers do

You weren't around to cheer me on

Help me dress for my high school prom

Like mothers do

Did you think I didn't need you here

To hold my hand

To dry my tears

Did you even miss me through the years at all

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California

There's sunny skies as far I can see

If you ever come back home to Carolina

I wonder what you'd say to me

Forgiveness is such a simple word

But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California

And just in case you're wondering about me

From now on I won't be in Carolina

Your little girl is off

Your little girl is off

Your little girl is off to Tennessee

New Strings

New Strings

I bet this road will take me out of here
Take me far away from Amarillo
I bet this car will go real fast
The wheels might even drive me past
The places that you said I'd never go
Oh...

The Texas Sky is the biggest one I've seen
But it still aint big enough for you and me
All the things that make you mad,
All the baggage in your past
Don't leave much room for a girl like me to be
So I'll fill her up with hope and worn-out dreams

An I'll grab the wheel and point it west
Pack the good and leave the rest
I'll drive until I find the missing piece
You said I wouldn't get too far on a tank of gas

And an empty heart
But I have everything I'll ever need
I got this old guitar and a brand new set of strings

Mama said I never should have done it
Should have ended us before we ever started
Daddy knew about my pride so he stood there
And he smiled inside and I pretended that I
Didn't notice a little tear that fell when I said I was going

An I'll grab the wheel and I'll point it west
Pack the good and leave the rest
I'll drive until I find the missing piece
You said I wouldn't get too far on a tank of gas

And an empty heart
But I have everything I'll ever need
I got this old guitar and a brand new set of strings

I've worried about life and
If it's arriving right on time
I guess if you don't jump
You'll never know if you can fly

You said I wouldn't get too far on a tank of gas
And an empty heart. But I have everything I'll ever need
I got this old guitar and a brand new set of strings