For the past few years I've been every independent, i learned the hard way that the only person i can count on to take care of me, is me. If i need something, whether it's something basic like food or shelter, or it's an emotional need, I've gotten used to just taking care of it myself. Mostly without help from other people, there haven't been too many willing to get that close anyways.
But just because I've been doing this for years, doesn't mean i don't want to be taken care of. I do! I want to be valuable enough to someone that they will go out of their way to make sure i''m ok. I want to be taken care of. I want someone to intentionally care about me enough to do that.
So now I'm waiting. Right now i can't quite depend fully on those around me, but i know God has someone out there for me, someone that will value me that much. So I'm waiting.
Dec 31, 2011
Dec 30, 2011
Seven Desires Of Every Heart
The Seven Desires Of Every Heart
This book talks about the seven desires all of us have, how often they go unfulfilled and how to work through the pain caused by that and find ways to fulfill those desires yourself
The Seven Desires:
1. To be heard and understood
2. To be affirmed
3. To be blessed
4. To be safe
5. To be touched
6. To be chosen
7. To be included
All of us have these desires, and we need them to be fulfilled to lead healthy, normal lives. Unfortunately, most of us don't have all of these needs met often enough to be completely healthy. A lot of people go through life 'coping' with little or none of these needs filled. Coping is dangerous and hurtful; some ways of coping are working too much, sleeping excessively, watching TV for hours on end, overeating, and generally withdrawing from other people.
1. To be heard and understood
2. To be affirmed
3. To be blessed
4. To be safe
5. To be touched
6. To be chosen
7. To be included
All of us have these desires, and we need them to be fulfilled to lead healthy, normal lives. Unfortunately, most of us don't have all of these needs met often enough to be completely healthy. A lot of people go through life 'coping' with little or none of these needs filled. Coping is dangerous and hurtful; some ways of coping are working too much, sleeping excessively, watching TV for hours on end, overeating, and generally withdrawing from other people.
This book talks about ways to identify coping behaviors and understand the reasons behind them. It gives suggestions for letting God, others and yourself fulfill those needs in healthy ways.
For me this book helped me to understand why some things mean so much to me, why some seemingly small things are a big deal, and to identify why certain things hurt me and not others, or hurt me worse. This book also talks about how ultimately only God can fill these needs completely all the time, even though they are meant to be filled by both other people and yourself as well. It helped me to understand myself better, and to identify ways that my 'coping' could be hurting other people. It also talks about setting achievable expectations of other people, and not expecting one or two people to completely fill all of these desires all the time.
Dec 29, 2011
Calvin
Dear Calvin,
I miss you. I know we've both said this, and i know we both mean it, but i want you to know that I'm not just saying it, i really do miss you! I miss seeing you walk down the stairs wearing the same thing you wore the last two days, and i miss our conversations while we wash dishes. I miss the good movies we watched while you were here, instead of the chick-flick stuff we watch now. I miss hearing you talk about computer stuff i don't understand, but nod my head and pretend i do. I miss the calm a guy's presence brings to the house. I miss your prank war with Laura, i haven't laughed like that since you left. I just miss you! I don't wish you had stayed, i know you made the best decision and this is how it needed to be. You should come up here more often, just stop by for dinner or a movie or something. You're awesome!
Rae
I miss you. I know we've both said this, and i know we both mean it, but i want you to know that I'm not just saying it, i really do miss you! I miss seeing you walk down the stairs wearing the same thing you wore the last two days, and i miss our conversations while we wash dishes. I miss the good movies we watched while you were here, instead of the chick-flick stuff we watch now. I miss hearing you talk about computer stuff i don't understand, but nod my head and pretend i do. I miss the calm a guy's presence brings to the house. I miss your prank war with Laura, i haven't laughed like that since you left. I just miss you! I don't wish you had stayed, i know you made the best decision and this is how it needed to be. You should come up here more often, just stop by for dinner or a movie or something. You're awesome!
Rae
Dec 28, 2011
Waiting...
Dear Father,
I've given up. I'm tired of looking for him. I know You have someone out there for me, some one who will take care of me, protect me, someone who is strong and gentle all at the same time. Someone who is Your son, who is completely devoted to You. I keep find men that have some of these qualities, and i look at them and wonder, but it's not them. None of the men I've met so far are "right", they don't fit with me, or i don't fit with there future plans. So i am giving up. I thought i needed to be looking, but i guess i don't. If You have someone in mind, You're going to have to bring him to me, cause I'm done wasting my time with good guys that just aren't "right". All of them, Father, all the guys I've gotten to know in the past few years, they are all Yours. I'm done trying to make something happen. I'm done trying to convince them that I'm someone worth getting to know. It hurts to much. I refuse to cry over any of them, i don't even want to. I want what You want. I want the man that You have for me, the one that will look past my brokenness, and see what You see when You look at me. I want to be able to look past his failings, and see him the way You do, Father. I want to stop pushing, i want to stop trying to just make things work.
I want who You want. I've given up, I'm giving it to You, Father. Your will be done in my life.
I've given up. I'm tired of looking for him. I know You have someone out there for me, some one who will take care of me, protect me, someone who is strong and gentle all at the same time. Someone who is Your son, who is completely devoted to You. I keep find men that have some of these qualities, and i look at them and wonder, but it's not them. None of the men I've met so far are "right", they don't fit with me, or i don't fit with there future plans. So i am giving up. I thought i needed to be looking, but i guess i don't. If You have someone in mind, You're going to have to bring him to me, cause I'm done wasting my time with good guys that just aren't "right". All of them, Father, all the guys I've gotten to know in the past few years, they are all Yours. I'm done trying to make something happen. I'm done trying to convince them that I'm someone worth getting to know. It hurts to much. I refuse to cry over any of them, i don't even want to. I want what You want. I want the man that You have for me, the one that will look past my brokenness, and see what You see when You look at me. I want to be able to look past his failings, and see him the way You do, Father. I want to stop pushing, i want to stop trying to just make things work.
I want who You want. I've given up, I'm giving it to You, Father. Your will be done in my life.
Dec 21, 2011
I Miss You
Do I miss you?
Count the stars
Multiply by ten
Of course I do
More than now and then
I could paint a rainbow Multiply by ten
Of course I do
More than now and then
Shine the sky
Set the stars in space
Faster than explain
How much I miss your face
Watch the moon
Someday soon
He will start to smile
When I say "I'll see you
In a while
But 'til then I miss you
Dry my tears
Hide my fears away
Until that happy day
To the rainbow's end
Is where I would go, my friend
I do miss you so
For Andy, for all the rainbows, sunshine, stars, and light you brought to my world. I love you still.
Christmas Gift
About a month ago the camp secretary asked each of us interns to choose a hoodie or jacket from a Splash Design catalog. We assumed the jacket we chose would be embroidered with the camp logo and given to us for either a Christmas present, end of the year gift, or just a general we appreciate you gift. Yesterday Ben and Grace came to GTC to have a small Christmas party with us before we leave for break. We were each given a package, and when we opened then the other girls had the jackets they had picked out. Mine wasn't a jacket, it was a coat! It's a beautiful black coat with a fur-trimmed hood that fits perfectly! Grace said she remembered a conversation we had a few weeks ago, she had asked me if i had anything warmer than a hoodie, which is what i was wearing in very cold tempratures. She was shocked when i said no, and that i hadn't ever really had a coat, we were always so poor i just used my parents old worn out jackets and hoodies. So she bought me a coat! It was so sweet! I think it's the most heart-felt gift i've ever gotten, and it's more than appreciated. Thank you, Grace! You are so amazingly thoughtful, and i'm so grateful for this gift!!
The Hope Of My Heart
The Hope Of My Heart
John McCrae
I left, to earth, a little maiden fair,
With locks of gold, and eyes that shamed the light;
I prayed that God might have her in His care
And sight.
Earth's love was false; her voice, a siren's song;
(Sweet mother-earth was but a lying name)
The path she showed was but the path of wrong
And shame.
"Cast her not out!" I cry. God's kind words come --
"Her future is with Me, as was her past;
It shall be My good will to bring her home
At last."
John McCrae
I left, to earth, a little maiden fair,
With locks of gold, and eyes that shamed the light;
I prayed that God might have her in His care
And sight.
Earth's love was false; her voice, a siren's song;
(Sweet mother-earth was but a lying name)
The path she showed was but the path of wrong
And shame.
"Cast her not out!" I cry. God's kind words come --
"Her future is with Me, as was her past;
It shall be My good will to bring her home
At last."
Dec 20, 2011
Perfect Vacation
My idea of a perfect vacation would be traveling to a new place with someone i love. It doesn't matter much where we go, or what we do, as long as we're together and doing something new and different. It could be a trip to London to see all the history there, or a cruise in the Caribbean, relaxing and just enjoying our time together. Or it could be a hiking trip in the Appalachian mountains, getting out and experiencing the creation of God. It could be as simple as traveling to a nearby city and visiting the museums and theatres there. As long as we're together i know we can have fun and it will be my perfect vacation.
Hope
Hope
Emily Bronte
Hope was but a timid friend;
She sat without the grated den,
Watching how my fate would tend,
Even as selfish-hearted men.
She was cruel in her fear;
Through the bars, one dreary day,
I looked out to see her there,
And she turned her face away!
Like a false guard, false watch keeping,
Still, in strife, she whispered peace;
She would sing while I was weeping;
If I listened, she would cease.
False she was, and unrelenting;
When my last joys strewed the ground,
Even Sorrow saw, repenting,
Those sad relics scattered round;
Hope, whose whisper would have given
Balm to all my frenzied pain,
Stretched her wings, and soared to heaven,
Went, and ne'er returned again!
Hope was but a timid friend;
She sat without the grated den,
Watching how my fate would tend,
Even as selfish-hearted men.
She was cruel in her fear;
Through the bars, one dreary day,
I looked out to see her there,
And she turned her face away!
Like a false guard, false watch keeping,
Still, in strife, she whispered peace;
She would sing while I was weeping;
If I listened, she would cease.
False she was, and unrelenting;
When my last joys strewed the ground,
Even Sorrow saw, repenting,
Those sad relics scattered round;
Hope, whose whisper would have given
Balm to all my frenzied pain,
Stretched her wings, and soared to heaven,
Went, and ne'er returned again!
Linda II
"Whoever is adequate? We all create situations which others can't live up to, then break our hearts at them because they don't."
Dear Linda, i realized when i read this, that I've been doing this to you. You care about me, and I've somehow decided that you're supposed to be my best friend, big sister, confidant, and all-around care-giver. It's not fair to you at all, i expect too much from you, i expect you to always be there right when i need you, and to put time with me above everything else. This is an entirely unrealistic expectation, and I'm really just hurting myself, cause when you're busy or just want your own life i feel hurt or left out. But i have no right to feel that way, you deserve your own life, your own time, with your own friends and family. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for expecting this of you, and I'll try to keep out of your life and give you your own space. You are really good at making boundaries and making sure i get more than enough time with you. And even when life gets crazy, and intruded on "our time" you push other things back so you can spend as much time with me as you originally planned. That means a lot to me! I do notice, and i really appreciate it! I will work on making my expectations of you realistic and something you can live up too, and beyond, instead of something you can't even live up too.
You are so amazing, and i love you so much!!
Rae
Dec 17, 2011
Girly or Anti-social?
Today i had two choices for this evening:
1. Get to dress in a beautiful ball gown and strappy high-heels, have my hair and make-up done, and wear sparkly jewelry. Go to a ball, see people i know, and spend the evening dancing and conversing with hansome young men, and feeling beautiful and special.
2. Hang around camp, take pictures, crawl in the dirt to get good shots, edit pictures, talk on the phone with a good friend, and watch a movie with Linda.
Yea, no contest. I stayed home. I'm positive i had a better time than i would have at the dance, too.
Am i really girly? No.
Am i anti-social? Heck yes.
This does not make for much of a party-goer. =P
1. Get to dress in a beautiful ball gown and strappy high-heels, have my hair and make-up done, and wear sparkly jewelry. Go to a ball, see people i know, and spend the evening dancing and conversing with hansome young men, and feeling beautiful and special.
2. Hang around camp, take pictures, crawl in the dirt to get good shots, edit pictures, talk on the phone with a good friend, and watch a movie with Linda.
Yea, no contest. I stayed home. I'm positive i had a better time than i would have at the dance, too.
Am i really girly? No.
Am i anti-social? Heck yes.
This does not make for much of a party-goer. =P
Jesus Is Better Than Santa
Santa lives at the North Pole.
Jesus is everywhere.
Santa rides a sleigh
Jesus rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa comes but once a year
Jesus is an ever present help.
Santa fills your stockings with goodies
Jesus supplies all your needs.
Santa comes down your chimmney uninvited
Jesus stands at your door and knocks..., and then enters your heart.
You have to stand in line to see Santa
Jesus is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa lets you sit on his lap
Jesus lets you rest in His arms.
Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is
"Hi little boy (or girl),
What's your name?"
Jesus knew our name before we did.
Not only does He know our name,
He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and
He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.
Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly
Jesus has a heart full of love.
All Santa can offer is HO HO HO
Jesus offers health, help, and hope.
Santa says "You better not cry"
Jesus says "Cast all yur cares on me for I care for you."
Santa's little helpers make toys
Jesus makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.
Santa may make you chuckle but
Jesus gives you joy that is your strength.
While Santa puts gifts under your tree
Jesus became our gift and died on the tree.
It's obvious there is really no comparison.
We need to remember Who Christmas is all about.
We need to put Christ back in Christmas.
Jesus is still the reason for the season.
Jesus is everywhere.
Santa rides a sleigh
Jesus rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa comes but once a year
Jesus is an ever present help.
Santa fills your stockings with goodies
Jesus supplies all your needs.
Santa comes down your chimmney uninvited
Jesus stands at your door and knocks..., and then enters your heart.
You have to stand in line to see Santa
Jesus is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa lets you sit on his lap
Jesus lets you rest in His arms.
Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is
"Hi little boy (or girl),
What's your name?"
Jesus knew our name before we did.
Not only does He know our name,
He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and
He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.
Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly
Jesus has a heart full of love.
All Santa can offer is HO HO HO
Jesus offers health, help, and hope.
Santa says "You better not cry"
Jesus says "Cast all yur cares on me for I care for you."
Santa's little helpers make toys
Jesus makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.
Santa may make you chuckle but
Jesus gives you joy that is your strength.
While Santa puts gifts under your tree
Jesus became our gift and died on the tree.
It's obvious there is really no comparison.
We need to remember Who Christmas is all about.
We need to put Christ back in Christmas.
Jesus is still the reason for the season.
Dec 15, 2011
Broken Plate
This is how i imagine a broken plate feels...
Pain. I couldn't believe this had happened, how could this have happened to me? I'd always done my duty, never complained. I did my very best to keep food from sticking to my surface, and I would hold tight to the table while the people were eating off of me. I didn't slide around, no sir, not me. I didn't mind being left in the dish rack all night, with just the butter knife to talk too (and let me tell you, butter knives aren't much for conversation). I had done a good job, ever since the people brought me into this house. Everything was going so well, why did this have to happened? Slippery hands, and not enough care taken, that's what. And now look, I'm broken into half a dozen different pieces. And you know what's going to happen to me, don't you? No glue for me, no patches, no fixing like they do with the porcelain figurines in the living room. I'm just a simple dinner plate. No, I'll get nothing but the garbage can. I'll get thrown away like nothing I've ever done was of any service or importance. It's not fair! I've worked hard all these years, I was there when they had the special dinner after the baby was born, and i was there for every Christmas Eve dinner, and birthday dinner. I was the one their daughter ate off of on her sixteenth birthday, and the one their son used the night he announced he was accepted to Berkeley. Me, all this time, it was me. And now what? I'll get thrown out like yesterday's trash. It's not fair. I'm a part of this family too, aren't I?
Pain. I couldn't believe this had happened, how could this have happened to me? I'd always done my duty, never complained. I did my very best to keep food from sticking to my surface, and I would hold tight to the table while the people were eating off of me. I didn't slide around, no sir, not me. I didn't mind being left in the dish rack all night, with just the butter knife to talk too (and let me tell you, butter knives aren't much for conversation). I had done a good job, ever since the people brought me into this house. Everything was going so well, why did this have to happened? Slippery hands, and not enough care taken, that's what. And now look, I'm broken into half a dozen different pieces. And you know what's going to happen to me, don't you? No glue for me, no patches, no fixing like they do with the porcelain figurines in the living room. I'm just a simple dinner plate. No, I'll get nothing but the garbage can. I'll get thrown away like nothing I've ever done was of any service or importance. It's not fair! I've worked hard all these years, I was there when they had the special dinner after the baby was born, and i was there for every Christmas Eve dinner, and birthday dinner. I was the one their daughter ate off of on her sixteenth birthday, and the one their son used the night he announced he was accepted to Berkeley. Me, all this time, it was me. And now what? I'll get thrown out like yesterday's trash. It's not fair. I'm a part of this family too, aren't I?
Dec 13, 2011
Excuses
I can't work today. I'm very sorry, but i simply can't bare to work today, it's a very emotional day for me, you see. My dearly beloved pet house mouse died tragically this day 17 years ago. Fred, that was his name, got caught in a horribly misplaced trap and expired alone and feeling unloved. The memory of this appalling event still haunts me, and I simply can't bare to come into work today. I can't even bare to get out of bed.
A writing prompt i came across was to write an excuse for not going to work, so i decided to have some fun with it ;)
A writing prompt i came across was to write an excuse for not going to work, so i decided to have some fun with it ;)
Dec 11, 2011
Ridgeview Christian Church
I have visited Ridgeview Christian Church several times and so far i like it. The first Sunday i visited i only went to the morning service, and not Sunday school. The second and third times i was able to visit the college class as well. The people in general are a little distant, but the leaders of the college class, J.D. and Tammy Smith, are pretty cool! Both of them were very welcoming to me and expressed interest in me and my life. I like the college class, it's engaging and informative, with a very casual atmosphere that is open to questions, comments and general wanderings. I enjoyed the worship, and i like the children's message time on Sunday morning. I don't like that they have communion every week, but this is a doctrinal difference that i will just have to get over should i choose to keep attending this particular church. I haven't heard anything taught that i disagree with, and i enjoy the pastor's sermons. i like this church, but they could work on welcoming visitor's a bit more, but they're decent at it for now. I like this church. I don't know if it will be the one i choose, but i do enjoy it. i'm looking for a church with a solid college age class, and this church has that. i plan on attending this church at least for another few weeks, and we'll see what it think after that.
The 1st Four Months
I've been a CDO intern for just over four months!! This is definitely something to celebrate! There were a few times i didn't think i'd make it this far. It's been a difficult journey to this point, and i'm not even halfway done yet. But it's also amazing, God has been revealing so much to me, even through the pain. I think that may be the only way He can get through to me, i barely talk to Him otherwise. I'm still trying to figure out the truth about God and who He is to me. That is something i want to get out of this intern-ship, a true understand of God. Even the idea that He loves me is so hard for me to imagine, i still don't really believe it but i'm getting there. I think starting to believe that God loves me and won't leave me is all i can handle right now, and i've been told that this may be where God wants me to stay for a while, until i truly believe with my whole heart that he loves me.
On the more practical side, i'm adjusting to living with 2 roomates and all of the responsibilities that come with that. I've also started mentoring a camper here in Rolla, that's going really well and (surprise surprise) i'm actually enjoying it! I've also had the opportunity to improve my public speaking skills through the recruting presentations i've done at colleges and youth groups. I've also learned a lot about horses, dogs, and animal care and training in general.
The best part, though, has to be the relationship i've been building with Linda. She's so incredible, and i wouldn't be here without her. She's fast becoming my best friend, big sister, and mentor. I've gotten to know her family as well, and i really like them too! Her parents are pretty cool and she's got a great little brother. It seems like we get closer all the time and i love it! She's more amazing than she even knows, but i know, and i thank God for her.
My Story
Since i've just recently revamped my blog, changed the web address, and invited a lot more people to see my blog, i thought i should re-sate the purpose of it. Just to keep everyone caught up.
This is a collection of my thoughts, ideas, opinions, articles i like, songs i listen too, random things i find, creative writing projects, photos i like, or really anything i enjoy or i feel expresses me in some way. This is my story so i'll tell it however i choose. Please remember tho, this is a form of therapy for me. Just because i post something doesn't mean i'll still feel that way 2 months, 2 weeks, or even 2 minutes later. Also, i reserve the right to change my opinion on anything, at any given time, without updating or removing previous posts displaying contradictory opinions. Hopefully you won't be put off by my sometimes less-then-kind letters or ideas, but if you are, you can leave. i do not tolerate intolerance. (yes i know i just contradicted myself, just wait a minute) i will listen with genuine interest to anything you say, even if i don't agree, so please have the same respect for me.
This is my story. I decide where it goes next.
This is a collection of my thoughts, ideas, opinions, articles i like, songs i listen too, random things i find, creative writing projects, photos i like, or really anything i enjoy or i feel expresses me in some way. This is my story so i'll tell it however i choose. Please remember tho, this is a form of therapy for me. Just because i post something doesn't mean i'll still feel that way 2 months, 2 weeks, or even 2 minutes later. Also, i reserve the right to change my opinion on anything, at any given time, without updating or removing previous posts displaying contradictory opinions. Hopefully you won't be put off by my sometimes less-then-kind letters or ideas, but if you are, you can leave. i do not tolerate intolerance. (yes i know i just contradicted myself, just wait a minute) i will listen with genuine interest to anything you say, even if i don't agree, so please have the same respect for me.
This is my story. I decide where it goes next.
Dec 10, 2011
Flying
I feel like this describes my life to some extent, right when it hurts the most and i think i can't go on, i find that it all had a purpose and I'll not only be ok, I'll be better than i was before.
Inspiration
Inspiration struck last night, i was going to go to a Christmas party, but i started writing and didn't really stop till this afternoon. It's amazing how much i enjoyed it! i didn't realize i missed it that much. Most of the evening was spent in the company of Pepsi and Carbon Leaf's album Indian Summer. Both are very imperative to my writing processes ;) It sounds silly, but i haven't wanted to write for months so this was very exciting for me!
Proposal
7 Reasons To Turn Down A Marriage Proposal
1. Timing
2. Religion
3. Kids
4. Cultural differences
5. Location
6. Jobs
7. Annoying Family
Risk
"If you don't risk anything, you risk more."
I believe that if you don't ever risk anything, you are risking even more. You are risking losing out on love, laughter, fun, adventure and excitement. You risk making memories and building relationships with people. You risk missing life. That's why not stepping out and trying something new or difficult or uncomfortable may be the riskiest thing you ever do.
I believe that if you don't ever risk anything, you are risking even more. You are risking losing out on love, laughter, fun, adventure and excitement. You risk making memories and building relationships with people. You risk missing life. That's why not stepping out and trying something new or difficult or uncomfortable may be the riskiest thing you ever do.
First Toy
The first toy i remember having was a big pink bunny. My parents gave her to me for Easter one year, when i was about 3, i guess. I remember carrying it around with me, having "lunch" together, it helping me win sock-throwing battles, watching movies with me, and exploring the woods behind my house. That rabbit went everywhere with me for a while. She moved with me from one house to another over the years, she was always real good about it. Just happy to be going with me, no matter if she was packed in a box, suitcase, or plain old black trash bag. She was pink with pastel coloured pads on her feet, and a multi-coloured ribbon around her neck. She was about 20 inches tall and at least 12 inches around the middle. So she was a big toy for a little kid, at first anyway. I grew into her pretty fast, and played with her all the time. She was one of my favourite stuffed toys, one of the few i kept all these years. i still have that pink bunny, she sits in a box in my parent's attic, waiting for me to get settled in my own place and bring her to live with me.
A Gift Is Not A Gift
A Gift Is Not A Gift
He comes with love
Which brings us hope
Which turn to joy
Which offers peace.
Little Baby tucked away
In a manger full of hay,
It's hard to believe what You are.
A gift from above,
The gift of God's love
Who was born long ago for today.
But a gift is not a gift until it is received,
And a truth is not a truth until it is believed.
Little Baby small and frail,
Whose birth today we hail,
It's hard to believe who You are.
If only You had been a carpenter poor,
Who triumphed over life to become rich.
But instead You were a carpenter died poor,
That others like me might be rich.
But a gift is not a gift until it is received,
And a truth is not a truth until it is believed.
He came with love
Which brings us hope
Which turns to joy
Which offers peace.
Dec 9, 2011
What's In A Name?
A friend has said that they think someone's name can define and influence their life more than we really give credit too. I decided to look into the different meanings of my names, so here's a list of my names and the different meanings from different cultures.
Rachel-
Israeli- innocent lamb.
Hebrew- Ewe. (Mother sheep) Rachel was the second and favoured wife of Jacob in the Old Testament.
English- Ewe. (Mother sheep)
Rae-
German- wise protection
English- Doe
Hebrew- Diminutive of Rachel: Ewe. Rachel was the second and favoured wife of Jacob in the Old Testament
Scottish- Grace
Marie-
French- bitter sea.
English- Variant of Latin name Mary: bitter.
Hebrew- Variant of Mary: Wished-for child; rebellion; bitter.
There are a few i like better than others. i like the idea of being an innocent lamb, i have an inherent desire to be protected. i also like doe, cause they are elegant and peaceful. Grace is nice, being both graceful and giving grace to others is something i try to do (and mostly fail at). Bitter sea seams to fit me pretty well, i'm unpredictable like the sea and i can be melancholy and bitter about life sometimes. I was most definitely not a wished for child, so i feel like that one is completely irrelevant. I think Rachel was something of a spoiled brat so i really don't like that one, and i never really had to be rebellious, my parents didn't much care what i did. But i am most definitely a rule-breaker and i'm not afraid of a fight so i think rebellion suites me well.
Rachel-
Israeli- innocent lamb.
Hebrew- Ewe. (Mother sheep) Rachel was the second and favoured wife of Jacob in the Old Testament.
English- Ewe. (Mother sheep)
Rae-
German- wise protection
English- Doe
Hebrew- Diminutive of Rachel: Ewe. Rachel was the second and favoured wife of Jacob in the Old Testament
Scottish- Grace
Marie-
French- bitter sea.
English- Variant of Latin name Mary: bitter.
Hebrew- Variant of Mary: Wished-for child; rebellion; bitter.
There are a few i like better than others. i like the idea of being an innocent lamb, i have an inherent desire to be protected. i also like doe, cause they are elegant and peaceful. Grace is nice, being both graceful and giving grace to others is something i try to do (and mostly fail at). Bitter sea seams to fit me pretty well, i'm unpredictable like the sea and i can be melancholy and bitter about life sometimes. I was most definitely not a wished for child, so i feel like that one is completely irrelevant. I think Rachel was something of a spoiled brat so i really don't like that one, and i never really had to be rebellious, my parents didn't much care what i did. But i am most definitely a rule-breaker and i'm not afraid of a fight so i think rebellion suites me well.
2 Down, 1 To Go
At the beginning of the intern-ship the leadership asked the three of us girls to commit to a year of single-mindedness. Since then 2 of us have had to have "the conversation" with a guy. You know the one, the "i can't date you, we have to stay friends even tho i think you might be the guy i'm supposed to marry" talk. The good news is two of us have gone through it so only one left. The bad news is, the one left is me. I'm really dreading this, i know it'll prolly happen before summer, but i'm kinda hoping i'll be the one to make it through without having "that" talk.
Dec 8, 2011
Bethlemhem Star
O're Bethlehem town,
Brightly the stars
From heaven look down
Quietly the shepherds
Their long vigil keep
Over their flocks
Of slumbering sheep.
Hark! There's a sound
On the pulsating air,
Music is stealing
From voices somewhere.
And a beautiful light
As a star settles down
O're a stable that stands
At the edge of the town.
Dec 7, 2011
Laundry Room
The laundry room. It doesn't seem like it would be used for anything other than doing laundry, right? Well, then you just haven't seen it through the eyes of an intern!
The laundry room at CDO is far more than a place to wash clothes. It's a place where you can sit on the dryer and talk on the phone without being interrupted. It's a place where two of us can work together, singing Disney songs, laughing and getting to know each other. It's also a "refuge" to some of us. It's a safe place to go and think, cry, or scream at God without being overheard. It's a place to go if you're upset or angry and want to be alone for a while. If the leadership can't find one of us, the laundry room is usually where they look. It's not just a place to wash clothes, fold blankets or sort socks, it's a safe place for all of us.
The laundry room at CDO is far more than a place to wash clothes. It's a place where you can sit on the dryer and talk on the phone without being interrupted. It's a place where two of us can work together, singing Disney songs, laughing and getting to know each other. It's also a "refuge" to some of us. It's a safe place to go and think, cry, or scream at God without being overheard. It's a place to go if you're upset or angry and want to be alone for a while. If the leadership can't find one of us, the laundry room is usually where they look. It's not just a place to wash clothes, fold blankets or sort socks, it's a safe place for all of us.
Florence Nightingale
Florence Nightingale
Florence Nightingale was a Christian woman dedicated to God and fulfilling His calling in her life. She felt God calling her to serve people when she was a young adult and followed that calling around the world and back. Florence spent many years trying to get the training she needed to help care for and heal soldiers; she was blocked by her parents and society’s standards for a single woman but she didn’t let that pull her down for very long. She looked for and found good Christian people willing to help her succeed in her mission of bettering hospital conditions. Florence left her family several times to go find the education she needed, and finally to work at a hospital for wounded soldiers in the Crimea. While she was there she visited many other ARMY hospitals and helped them improve their conditions for the patients. After the war, Florence went back to England and worked at bringing those same improvements to the civilian hospitals in her own country. Florence petitioned many political leaders to change the conditions in the local hospitals, and was met with both resistance and approval. She helped to improve the hospitals, and then worked to start a nursing school. She hoped to give nursing a better reputation as well as instructing and training up very well-equipped nurses to work in the new, better hospital settings. Florence lived all of her life following God’s calling, and doing His work no matter how difficult it was. She is primarily responsible for bringing cleanliness, personal care, and good food to hospitals as well as giving nursing higher standards and a greatly improved reputation.
Dec 4, 2011
Made My World
Made My World
I never thought of what I could be
Where I'd go
What I'd do
I never thought of what I should be
Until You
You came into my life
When I was all alone
You came down
And saved my soul
When I found my world was crashing
And I thought I'd lost my passion
You came and laid a hand
On this little girl
When I thought my dreams were fading
I looked up and saw You waiting
You reached Your hand down
And You made my world
I never thought of where I might be
If I turned away from You
I never thought of all I would need
Without You
You came down
When I was all alone
You came down
You came down
And saved my soul
i love this Jaci Velasquez song, i feel like this idea played out in my life in the last week or so.
I never thought of what I could be
Where I'd go
What I'd do
I never thought of what I should be
Until You
You came into my life
When I was all alone
You came down
And saved my soul
When I found my world was crashing
And I thought I'd lost my passion
You came and laid a hand
On this little girl
When I thought my dreams were fading
I looked up and saw You waiting
You reached Your hand down
And You made my world
I never thought of where I might be
If I turned away from You
I never thought of all I would need
Without You
You came down
When I was all alone
You came down
You came down
And saved my soul
i love this Jaci Velasquez song, i feel like this idea played out in my life in the last week or so.
Dec 2, 2011
Kathy
i had a really emotional day, and i had a chance to talk to Kathy Collins tonight (Linda's mom). She said something that hit me hard. She said that the love i feel from Linda is really God loving me through her. It's Linda's arms around me, but God's love directing them and His love pouring over me. I've never thought of it in that way, and Kathy said that this is something that won't change. God will keep loving me through people, even though the people may pull away or stop loving me, God will bring someone else to me to show me His love. This idea is completely new to me, and it's one i think i can maybe accept easier than God being the only one to really love me. God is great, but he doesn't hug me or watch a movie with me, or go to dinner with me. She also said that God has plans for me but he doesn't show me what they are until it's time for them. Not early and not late, but right on time. So if it seems like my future is uncertain , it's just that it's not time for the next step. God let me know about this internship three weeks before it started, and i'm set here until August so i really shouldn't be trying to plan anything until much closer to the end of my time here. When i was crying Kathy wrapped me up in a hug and prayed over me, which is exactly what Linda does. She was very understanding and helped me a lot, so Thank You Kathy! i love you!
Arguing With God
I've always been second place, replaceble, or worse, forgotten. I've had friends that i was close too, and they were the person i cared about most, but i've not been that person for someone else. It hurts to think that people don't care about me as much as i care about them, but i've just kinda brushed it off and tried not to think about it. I thought it was gonna be different with Linda, i really did. i thought maybe she would care about me as much as i care about her, and for a while i thought she did. She spent more time with me than the other interns, and talked to me more. She even suggested me moving in with her after my internship ends. i thought that meant she loved me more than she loved the others. I know it sounds stupid and selfish but that was what i wanted. Recently i've begun to think that that's not true, no matter what happens at the end of this, she's not going to feel the same. If things keep progressing the way they are now, i think she will actually care about me less than she does now. No of this is wrong, and i'm not mad or upset with her at all. I'm just hurting, trying to understand this; if Linda, who i though might be the only person to love me more than others can't, than who can? I was in the middle of the floor, sobbing, hurting like never before when i thought of the Father's Love Letter, it says things like "I'll never leave you", "I love you with an everlasting love", "If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me", "When you are broken-hearted, I am close to you", "I'll take away all the pain". I thought what if God is the only one who can love me the way i long to be loved? If i can't find that love in people, then i have to admit that only God can give me what i want. But what if i admit that i can't find it in people and look for it in God, and He doesn't love me like that? What if He doesn't accept me, or what if He is really the way i imagine Him to be and doesn't really care about us? Then where am i? I can't keep looking for love from people, but i'm afraid to look to God for it. So i'm stuck, hurting, in tears, wishing it would all end.
Windows To My Soul
Windows To My Soul
Unknown
Lost in dark depression
Not knowing where to turn
I opened the windows to my soul
To see what I could learn
I swept up the depression
Scrubbed the sadness and the hurt
I put it all in trash bags
And set them by the curb
I found stashed in a corner
Tucked high upon a shelf
A treasure chest of knowledge
That I could love myself
And wherever my future takes me
I know I will win
Because I opened the windows to my soul
And let the light shine in
Unknown
Lost in dark depression
Not knowing where to turn
I opened the windows to my soul
To see what I could learn
I swept up the depression
Scrubbed the sadness and the hurt
I put it all in trash bags
And set them by the curb
I found stashed in a corner
Tucked high upon a shelf
A treasure chest of knowledge
That I could love myself
And wherever my future takes me
I know I will win
Because I opened the windows to my soul
And let the light shine in
Dec 1, 2011
First We Have Coffee...
First We Have Coffee...
This book is a collection of stories about a Norwegian minister and his wife written by their eldest daughter. It tells of their crossing to America in the late 1800s, their early life together, their children and the many different places they ministered in their long life together. There are funny stories, touching poems, and traditional Norwegian songs. The daughter tells of their family’s life together, the hard times that brought them closer together as well as the prosperous times when they just enjoyed life as a godly family. God was central to their life, He was at every meal, every lesson, with them when they did their chores and when they played. God was not a “Sunday thing” He was in every part of their life. All six children had a deep understanding of God’s love and grace.
Ella, their mother, had a special relationship with her Savior. She had many different parts of the Bible memorized, so she had a verse for every thought, action or attitude. When her life was the hardest, her child dying or her husband missing, she brought to mind those verses and called to God to give her the peace she needed. She was a true servant of God and lived her life to fulfill His plans.
This book is a collection of stories about a Norwegian minister and his wife written by their eldest daughter. It tells of their crossing to America in the late 1800s, their early life together, their children and the many different places they ministered in their long life together. There are funny stories, touching poems, and traditional Norwegian songs. The daughter tells of their family’s life together, the hard times that brought them closer together as well as the prosperous times when they just enjoyed life as a godly family. God was central to their life, He was at every meal, every lesson, with them when they did their chores and when they played. God was not a “Sunday thing” He was in every part of their life. All six children had a deep understanding of God’s love and grace.
Ella, their mother, had a special relationship with her Savior. She had many different parts of the Bible memorized, so she had a verse for every thought, action or attitude. When her life was the hardest, her child dying or her husband missing, she brought to mind those verses and called to God to give her the peace she needed. She was a true servant of God and lived her life to fulfill His plans.
Gypsy Girl
I don't know who i am right
now, I've been told a lot of different things about who i am or should be, and I'm not sure what to believe. I'm trying to sort through all i've been told or
believed to find the truth about who i am.
I don't really know where I'm going in life, what the future holds. I have a lot of options before me, but i feel like I'm not ready for most of them.
I'm searching for love, but even more for hope. My world is filled with darkness, doubt and despair. I'm looking for hope to bring light to my world.
I'm a gypsy, wandering through this world. Ever searching, never finding. Wondering, "Will I find what I seek?"
I don't really know where I'm going in life, what the future holds. I have a lot of options before me, but i feel like I'm not ready for most of them.
I'm searching for love, but even more for hope. My world is filled with darkness, doubt and despair. I'm looking for hope to bring light to my world.
I'm a gypsy, wandering through this world. Ever searching, never finding. Wondering, "Will I find what I seek?"
Someone's Waiting For You
Be brave little one.
Make a wish for each sad little tear.
Hold your head up though no one is near
Someone's waiting for you.
Don't cry little one.
There'll be a smile where a frown use to be
You'll be part of the love that you see.
Someone's waiting for you.
Always keep a little prayer in your pocket
and you're sure to see the light.
Soon there'll be joy and happiness
and your little world will be bright
Have faith little one
'Til your hopes and your wishes come true.
You must try to be brave little one.
Someone's waiting to love you
i heard this song many years ago, and i've loved it ever since. i often feel like this was written for me, telling me to hang on till i find someone who will love me and take care of me.
Hold your head up though no one is near
Someone's waiting for you.
Don't cry little one.
There'll be a smile where a frown use to be
You'll be part of the love that you see.
Someone's waiting for you.
Always keep a little prayer in your pocket
and you're sure to see the light.
Soon there'll be joy and happiness
and your little world will be bright
Have faith little one
'Til your hopes and your wishes come true.
You must try to be brave little one.
Someone's waiting to love you
i heard this song many years ago, and i've loved it ever since. i often feel like this was written for me, telling me to hang on till i find someone who will love me and take care of me.
Tired
... I’m so tired, I’ve been running around in circles for months. I need to grow spiritually, in maturity, and in skill level to be able to do what they need me to do, but I don't feel like I'm growing in those areas because I'm so busy trying to do what they need me to do....
SuperGirl
I've decided i'm Super Girl. After what i did today, i think i can do pretty much anything. I completed a page and a half of tasks today, and still found time to make my own lunch and dinner (and eat it!), write a report, read a few chapters of a book, and stop to have actual conversations with people. I think today's soundtrack would consist of songs like Whistle While You Work, Happy Working Song, and Super-girl. I accomplished a lot, and now i'm tired. Maybe i'll be able to sleep tonight! ..... i just caught sight of dishes, laundry, and a dirty floor. Does super-girl ever get to stop working? I guess not....
Louis Pasture
I just finished a biography about a man named Louis Pasture.
Louis Pasture was a great French scientist of the 19th century. He was responsible for discovering or widely expanding the knowledge of things like pasteurization, the germ theory of diseases, and contagious diseases. He was also instrumental in developing the theory of vaccines. Because of his work today we have things like rabies and smallpox vaccines, as well as the ability to process dairy products to make them safe and able to store longer.
Louis was driven by both his passion to help people, and a desire to serve his God to the best of his abilities. In his last public appearance he gave a speech that included this: “The most important thing, when one approaches the end, is to be able to say ‘I have done what I could.” Louis certainly lived up to this statement. His family and friends have written about his deep faith, and how it was the thing that brought him through all the hardships in his life. Louis Pasteur was a man dedicated to his God, his family, his country, and human kind.
Louis Pasture was a great French scientist of the 19th century. He was responsible for discovering or widely expanding the knowledge of things like pasteurization, the germ theory of diseases, and contagious diseases. He was also instrumental in developing the theory of vaccines. Because of his work today we have things like rabies and smallpox vaccines, as well as the ability to process dairy products to make them safe and able to store longer.
Louis was driven by both his passion to help people, and a desire to serve his God to the best of his abilities. In his last public appearance he gave a speech that included this: “The most important thing, when one approaches the end, is to be able to say ‘I have done what I could.” Louis certainly lived up to this statement. His family and friends have written about his deep faith, and how it was the thing that brought him through all the hardships in his life. Louis Pasteur was a man dedicated to his God, his family, his country, and human kind.
Nov 30, 2011
Secret Angel Note
Earlier this evening Julia was getting a box of Snickers out of our pantry and found a secret angel note with my name on it. Secret Angels are something we have during camp, the staff draw names and write encouraging letters, pray for, or give small gifts to the person they chose. At the end of the week they have the option of telling their "secret victim" who they are. Anyways, it was a really sweet note, and the person must know me really well! They knew that hiding it with the Snickers meant that i'd eventually find it lol!
Nov 28, 2011
Hadassah
Hadassah is a fictionalized story of Esther, the Jewish girl who became the Queen of Persia. It was a very fascination story, I finished it in about two days. It’s the same story that’s in the Bible, but with a lot more details and information about the characters.
I liked the author’s perception of Esther’s spiritual life, that she wasn’t any closer to God at first than most people, and through growing closer to God she came to know what her purpose in the Palace was. Esther accomplished some pretty incredible things, because she let God use her where he put her. She didn’t know or understand why she was there, and didn’t want to be there but God turned it all for good.
I really liked this book cause I feel like if Esther didn’t have it all together in the beginning, and it still turned out so well, then maybe there’s hope for me too. She intentionally went looking for God, and she found Him all around her. She trusted God with everything, even her life, and He protected her and her people. That’s just really cool!
I liked the author’s perception of Esther’s spiritual life, that she wasn’t any closer to God at first than most people, and through growing closer to God she came to know what her purpose in the Palace was. Esther accomplished some pretty incredible things, because she let God use her where he put her. She didn’t know or understand why she was there, and didn’t want to be there but God turned it all for good.
I really liked this book cause I feel like if Esther didn’t have it all together in the beginning, and it still turned out so well, then maybe there’s hope for me too. She intentionally went looking for God, and she found Him all around her. She trusted God with everything, even her life, and He protected her and her people. That’s just really cool!
Nov 23, 2011
White Ink Tattoo
i was told about white ink tattoos recently and i'm really excited about it, i've wanted a tattoo for quite a while but i don't like dark ink on my skin or how tattoos can end up looking bad with age or if your skin changes at all. White ink is more subtle, looks more feminie and i think it wouldn't wear as badly.
December Newsletter Article
CDO is putting out a December newsletter, and they have decided that the theme is going to be the internship and mentoring. Ben asked me to write an article for the newsletter, here's my original. Ben and Grace have editing power, so it'll prolly look a little different by the time it's printed.
After almost two years of hearing about Camp David, I finally came to work as a wrangler this past summer. I loved being involved in the Christian community here at camp, as well as being challenged spiritually. At the end of the summer I decided I wanted to go deeper, and asked to be accepted as an Intern. Since being here full-time I’ve been able to explore and discover new talents and interests I didn’t even know I had, like public speaking, office work, photography, and training and caring for animals. I come from a larger city, so getting involved in the ‘small town life’ while living at camp has been interesting, and definitely an added bonus! So far I’ve been challenged more than I thought I would be, and stretched farther than I thought possible, but I’ve also developed close relationships with the other interns and with my mentor. There have been times when all I wanted to do was quit, go back to the easier job I had before, and stop being “challenged and stretched”, but I’ve stayed, worked through my personal issues with the help of God and the staff here, and I’m better for it. This internship is not all sunshine and flowers, it’s hard work coupled with the staff’s desire to see me grow and change. It’s a tough environment, but I’m really glad God brought me here. And there are some really great times too! Things like a random trip to Goodwill with Julia and Laura, or a quick question for Linda that turns into an hour long conversation that leaves me feeling refreshed and excited. The worship we have together every day, the shared meals, deciding who gets to use the washer first or whose turn it is for dishes, things like this that are teaching us how to live together successfully are another sometimes fun-sometimes not, part of living in community. All in all, being an intern is quite possibly the best thing that’s ever happened to me!
After almost two years of hearing about Camp David, I finally came to work as a wrangler this past summer. I loved being involved in the Christian community here at camp, as well as being challenged spiritually. At the end of the summer I decided I wanted to go deeper, and asked to be accepted as an Intern. Since being here full-time I’ve been able to explore and discover new talents and interests I didn’t even know I had, like public speaking, office work, photography, and training and caring for animals. I come from a larger city, so getting involved in the ‘small town life’ while living at camp has been interesting, and definitely an added bonus! So far I’ve been challenged more than I thought I would be, and stretched farther than I thought possible, but I’ve also developed close relationships with the other interns and with my mentor. There have been times when all I wanted to do was quit, go back to the easier job I had before, and stop being “challenged and stretched”, but I’ve stayed, worked through my personal issues with the help of God and the staff here, and I’m better for it. This internship is not all sunshine and flowers, it’s hard work coupled with the staff’s desire to see me grow and change. It’s a tough environment, but I’m really glad God brought me here. And there are some really great times too! Things like a random trip to Goodwill with Julia and Laura, or a quick question for Linda that turns into an hour long conversation that leaves me feeling refreshed and excited. The worship we have together every day, the shared meals, deciding who gets to use the washer first or whose turn it is for dishes, things like this that are teaching us how to live together successfully are another sometimes fun-sometimes not, part of living in community. All in all, being an intern is quite possibly the best thing that’s ever happened to me!
Nov 21, 2011
Numb
For years I went through my days numb, not really feeling anything. I had built up walls high and thick, so nothing could hurt me, but instead of protecting me from just pain, I soon stopped feeling anything. I wasn’t happy or unhappy, I didn’t like or dislike anyone , I didn’t really feel anything. I could act happy or sad, convince people I was completely normal, without truly feeling anything. I needed to be numb just to get through life, but when I got here this summer my walls started to crumble, and by the time I started this internship they were pretty much gone. It sounds like a good thing, but once I started feeling things again my emotions went into overdrive. The pain is sharper, the love is deeper, I feel stress more, I laugh more, the loneliness is more consuming, but the time with people I care about is much sweeter. I’m not sure what to do, or even think about this. I’m hurting more then I was before, but at the same time I’m happier. I’m hoping that I feel everything so intensely right now cause I haven’t really felt anything for so long, and eventually my emotions will calm down and I will feel things normally.
Little Giraffe
The interns went to the National Missionary Convention in Atlanta this weekend, more about that later. I had a hard couple of days before we left and i didn't feel real great while we were there. On Friday night Linda and i were walking around, checking out some of the other booths and found one selling tiny figurines of animals. They were awfully cute, and i was looking for a giraffe but couldn't find one. The next day, when i came in to work at our booth sitting on the table was a cute little giraffe! Linda, Julia and Laura had found one and bought it for me to cheer me up. It was really sweet of them, and i love him! He's got big blue eyes and an adorable red tie! Thanks girls!!
Nov 15, 2011
Know Me There
“It isn't Narnia, you know," sobbed Lucy. "It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?"
"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan.
"Are -are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund.
"I am," said Aslan. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”
Sometimes i feel like i was brought to this place to learn Aslan by His other name, yes i know what that name is and i know who that is, but i don't really know Him. I know Aslan, I'm safe with him. And I want to be close to God, but right now I'm still to hurt and scared to try to be close to Him, so i'll just keep finding out about Aslan, who He is, what He is, and what He wants for me, and hope that all of that will translate to God.
"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan.
"Are -are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund.
"I am," said Aslan. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”
Sometimes i feel like i was brought to this place to learn Aslan by His other name, yes i know what that name is and i know who that is, but i don't really know Him. I know Aslan, I'm safe with him. And I want to be close to God, but right now I'm still to hurt and scared to try to be close to Him, so i'll just keep finding out about Aslan, who He is, what He is, and what He wants for me, and hope that all of that will translate to God.
Thou Shalt...
I was reading this morning and came across this paragraph:
Nowhere in the Word of God does it say to the husband, "Thou shalt shovel the walk, mow the lawn and do all the repairs on the house."
i would like to know who decided this wasn't in the Bible?? I'm perfectly fine with this being added to the Ten Commandments!!
Nowhere in the Word of God does it say to the husband, "Thou shalt shovel the walk, mow the lawn and do all the repairs on the house."
i would like to know who decided this wasn't in the Bible?? I'm perfectly fine with this being added to the Ten Commandments!!
Nov 14, 2011
Why I'm Here
"Why are you in this internship?"
That was the question, but what was my answer? I was given 20 minutes to think about it, it wasn’t nearly enough time, and yet it was far too much. It sounds like a simple enough question, but within it are so many more layers, so many more questions.
I’m here because I want to heal. I’m here because I want to serve God. I’m here to find out who God really is, I’m here to find love and acceptance, I’m here because I want to be here. I’m here to learn. I’m here to escape, I’m here to make a difference. I’m here for me. I’m here for God.
I came here because in this place I’m loved, I’m safe, and I’m happy. I do believe in this mission, I do want to be a part of it, but that’s not really the reason I came here. I asked to be a part of the internship because during the summer at camp i felt safe, and loved. I didn't want to leave, i want to go deeper, not just feel loved and happy, but love others and be whole.
I came for me. I want to heal, to stop hurting, and to be loved. I’m looking for God, and He’s everywhere here. I thought if I was here for more than a few weeks during the summer, I might find Him. The people here accept me, love me, and encourage me. I came to be closer to them. They’re why I’ve stayed. These past few months have been harder than I ever thought they would be, but I’m still here. I’m still struggling through, with their help. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them. It would be far too hard for me to handle on my own.
That’s why I’m in this internship. For me, for God, and for my friends.
Vineyard
I've visited Vineyard Church in Rolla several times, there are some things i really like about it, and some things i dislike. I like pastor Matt, he's very engaging and his sermons are both applicable and interesting. He does something in their service that i've never seen before but i really like it. Every Sunday the pastor takes time to pray for another local church, no matter what the denomination. I appreciate this, because it shows unity and a willingness to interact with believers of different denominations. I also like the way they observe communion. They have all the bead and wine on table at the front of the church and everyone has to walk up and get their own, i like it better this way for a lit of reasons that deserve their own post so i'll do that later :p I enjoy the worship, and i like the type of songs they do.
The things i don't like are that they don't have a college age class on Sunday. It's really important to me to have a group i can meet with on Sunday, cause my evenings are so busy with camp stuff. The people in general aren't as friendly and welcoming as i would like them to be. i know a lot of people there from camp, and they always say hi or are willing to talk a bit afterwards, but i've never had someone from that church that i don't know greet me or try to engage in a conversation with me. i think for a church this size this is kind of sad.
i like this church overall, and if they had a college age group i could meet with i would keep attending there, but since they don't i'm off to find a church that does.
The things i don't like are that they don't have a college age class on Sunday. It's really important to me to have a group i can meet with on Sunday, cause my evenings are so busy with camp stuff. The people in general aren't as friendly and welcoming as i would like them to be. i know a lot of people there from camp, and they always say hi or are willing to talk a bit afterwards, but i've never had someone from that church that i don't know greet me or try to engage in a conversation with me. i think for a church this size this is kind of sad.
i like this church overall, and if they had a college age group i could meet with i would keep attending there, but since they don't i'm off to find a church that does.
Nov 13, 2011
Talents
People talk about giving your gifts and talents to God so he can use them. But what if you don't know, or don't believe that you have any talents or gifts? How can you surrender something to God if you believe it doesn't exist? You can't. So in order to give God my talents or gifts, i have to believe Him when He says that i have them, and try to discover and develop them. I don't know what I'm good at, and I'm scared to try new things. I'm afraid that if i try something new, I'll fail at it, and then it'll just be another thing to add to the list of stuff I'm not good at. But if i don't try new things, I'll never know what i enjoy doing, I'll never get to experience being happy with what I'm doing. I don't know if I'll actually decide to do something completely different, but i might, you never know.
Nov 2, 2011
Treasure
Treasure
True treasure is not found in pirate ships,
In chests of silver and gold.
True treasure isn’t ruby rings
And jewels from long ago.
You don’t need to use a treasure map
And find chests beneath the sea.
True treasure is simply the love
And joy found in you and me.
In chests of silver and gold.
True treasure isn’t ruby rings
And jewels from long ago.
You don’t need to use a treasure map
And find chests beneath the sea.
True treasure is simply the love
And joy found in you and me.
Oct 27, 2011
untitled
Tonight i said something i thought i would never say. i said i was done with the internship and i wanted to leave. I changed my mind, in case you're wondering, and i didn't really mean it, i just felt like i couldn't do this anymore. Even tho i really want to stay.
i had a pretty ok day, nothing went terribly wrong. The only thing that was different was that Ben asked Linda to spend part of the weekend at a business conference with him, instead of with me. Not a big deal right? So she can't spend as much time with me as i had planned. Not something to get all upset about, but this is what made me question this whole internship. It goes like this:
Ben asked Linda to spend part of the weekend at a conference. Linda and i had planned to spend the whole weekend together in Springfield, hanging out with my friends and so she can see where i grew up, that kind of thing. It really upset me when i heard she wouldn't be with me as much, and i was surprised at my reaction. A year ago, even six months ago, it wouldn't have been a big deal at all. So we can't hang out, so what? But this time, i cried. i realized i was so upset because i like Linda, i like being with her, she's fun and funny and encouraging and a really great friend. And i'll miss the time with her. It hurt to think of missing time with Linda because i have so little time with her, only a year and the last 3 months will be filled with camp. Realizing that i'll miss her that much over just a few days made me think about how much i'll miss her at the end of this year. Then i'm just hurting thinking about it, and i wonder 'if it hurts this much now, and is going to hurt even more later, what's the point of the internship?' All of that pain and what? i go back to the same house, the same jobs, the same friends, the same hopeless situations. All of that pain, and nothing will change. i may be different but i'll go back and be stuck in the same world i left and it will all have been for nothing. So my next thought was 'why stay?' If it's all for nothing, then why stay, why keep myself in a place that will keep introducing new hurts, instead of the old ones i know how to live with.
i don't really have an answer yet, i know i need to stay. Even tho it hurts, it hurts because i'm healing. And i know this is the best place for me right now. When i leave i'll have changed, even if the circumstances i'll be going back to haven't, and when i get back i'll be different in them, so they'll be different. i know it will be worth it someday, even if it doesn't feel like it now.
i had a pretty ok day, nothing went terribly wrong. The only thing that was different was that Ben asked Linda to spend part of the weekend at a business conference with him, instead of with me. Not a big deal right? So she can't spend as much time with me as i had planned. Not something to get all upset about, but this is what made me question this whole internship. It goes like this:
Ben asked Linda to spend part of the weekend at a conference. Linda and i had planned to spend the whole weekend together in Springfield, hanging out with my friends and so she can see where i grew up, that kind of thing. It really upset me when i heard she wouldn't be with me as much, and i was surprised at my reaction. A year ago, even six months ago, it wouldn't have been a big deal at all. So we can't hang out, so what? But this time, i cried. i realized i was so upset because i like Linda, i like being with her, she's fun and funny and encouraging and a really great friend. And i'll miss the time with her. It hurt to think of missing time with Linda because i have so little time with her, only a year and the last 3 months will be filled with camp. Realizing that i'll miss her that much over just a few days made me think about how much i'll miss her at the end of this year. Then i'm just hurting thinking about it, and i wonder 'if it hurts this much now, and is going to hurt even more later, what's the point of the internship?' All of that pain and what? i go back to the same house, the same jobs, the same friends, the same hopeless situations. All of that pain, and nothing will change. i may be different but i'll go back and be stuck in the same world i left and it will all have been for nothing. So my next thought was 'why stay?' If it's all for nothing, then why stay, why keep myself in a place that will keep introducing new hurts, instead of the old ones i know how to live with.
i don't really have an answer yet, i know i need to stay. Even tho it hurts, it hurts because i'm healing. And i know this is the best place for me right now. When i leave i'll have changed, even if the circumstances i'll be going back to haven't, and when i get back i'll be different in them, so they'll be different. i know it will be worth it someday, even if it doesn't feel like it now.
Oct 24, 2011
Cinderella
 |
Cinderella
You are a dreamer, who wishes nothing more than to escape your daily drudgery. Life has thrown you many sticky situations, yet you have managed to persevere, and become even more lovely for it. You want some revenge, but you're a lass with class, and so wouldn't stoop so low. You have excellent friends, and are courageous; asking for what you desire despite the odds set against you, and claiming what is rightfully yours. Hopefully, these values will give you the dream your heart makes like your avatar.
At first i thought this quiz would be ridicules, but i kinda like this answer. i think it fits me!
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Oct 20, 2011
Photo Shoot
Last Saturday i had a photo session with Emma, it wa a lot of fun! I've never had "professional" photos taken before and i quite enjoyed the whole experience. Emma was great, she gave me the right amount of direction with out being bossy and she was really easy to work with. She finished editing the picutres and got them to me in 3 days! Here's one of my favorites, and to see the rest go to my photos blog here Playful
Oct 9, 2011
Sweet Dancer
Sweet Dancer
William Butler Yeats
The girl goes dancing there
On the leaf-sown, new-mown, smooth
Grass plot of the garden;
Escaped from bitter youth,
Escaped out of her crowd,
Or out of her black cloud.
Ah, dancer, ah, sweet dancer!
If strange men come from the house
To lead her away, do not say
That she is happy being crazy;
Lead them gently astray;
Let her finish her dance,
Let her finish her dance.
Ah, dancer, ah, sweet dancer!
The girl goes dancing there
On the leaf-sown, new-mown, smooth
Grass plot of the garden;
Escaped from bitter youth,
Escaped out of her crowd,
Or out of her black cloud.
Ah, dancer, ah, sweet dancer!
If strange men come from the house
To lead her away, do not say
That she is happy being crazy;
Lead them gently astray;
Let her finish her dance,
Let her finish her dance.
Ah, dancer, ah, sweet dancer!
Oct 2, 2011
Linda
Hey Linda,
I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re pretty much amazing! You’re so funny, I like just listening to your stories, it makes working with you so enjoyable. I actually really like that I’m the only intern willing to get “dirty” cause it means I get to work with you more.
I really appreciate your willingness to spend time with me, I know it might sound silly or too simple but I like just hanging out and watching tv. I know you’re tired a lot of the time, and probably have better things to do, but it means a lot to me that you’ll spend that time with me doing something I enjoy.
Again it might sound silly, but I love it when you hug me. Being hugged (by someone I like) is pretty much the best feeling in the world. I also really like it when you call me Baby, I know that’s pretty ridicules, but no one has ever called me that before and I actually like it :p
I love our lunches together (with Rusty too!), it’s so nice to just be able to talk about anything, or nothing! I like that you push me to question things, and find out why I do things certain ways. You push me to be better, but encourage me and tell me I’m doing great right now. That’s pretty awesome! I really needed that, I know I need to do better, but it’s hard when I believe that everything I’m doing now isn’t good enough.
You’re always available for me, no matter how tired you are, or that you have a hundred other things you need to do. You’re still there for me when I need you. And in case you haven’t noticed… I kinda need you a lot, so this is no small thing!
At the beginning of the summer I didn’t think we’d be friends. I had no intentions of opening up to you, and you didn’t have any reason to open up to me so I assumed we’d end the summer with a mutual respect but no real relationship. I remember telling Kayla as much on one of our drives home, and her saying “Just wait, camp will get to you. You’ll figure out how awesome Linda is eventually.” Well I did. And it didn’t take very long!
I’m so thankful that God brought me here and gave me this year with you! I know it’s gonna be great! I
think you’re incredible, and beautiful, and pretty much amazing just how you are.
I love you, Linda!
Rae
I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re pretty much amazing! You’re so funny, I like just listening to your stories, it makes working with you so enjoyable. I actually really like that I’m the only intern willing to get “dirty” cause it means I get to work with you more.
I really appreciate your willingness to spend time with me, I know it might sound silly or too simple but I like just hanging out and watching tv. I know you’re tired a lot of the time, and probably have better things to do, but it means a lot to me that you’ll spend that time with me doing something I enjoy.
Again it might sound silly, but I love it when you hug me. Being hugged (by someone I like) is pretty much the best feeling in the world. I also really like it when you call me Baby, I know that’s pretty ridicules, but no one has ever called me that before and I actually like it :p
I love our lunches together (with Rusty too!), it’s so nice to just be able to talk about anything, or nothing! I like that you push me to question things, and find out why I do things certain ways. You push me to be better, but encourage me and tell me I’m doing great right now. That’s pretty awesome! I really needed that, I know I need to do better, but it’s hard when I believe that everything I’m doing now isn’t good enough.
You’re always available for me, no matter how tired you are, or that you have a hundred other things you need to do. You’re still there for me when I need you. And in case you haven’t noticed… I kinda need you a lot, so this is no small thing!
At the beginning of the summer I didn’t think we’d be friends. I had no intentions of opening up to you, and you didn’t have any reason to open up to me so I assumed we’d end the summer with a mutual respect but no real relationship. I remember telling Kayla as much on one of our drives home, and her saying “Just wait, camp will get to you. You’ll figure out how awesome Linda is eventually.” Well I did. And it didn’t take very long!
I’m so thankful that God brought me here and gave me this year with you! I know it’s gonna be great! I
think you’re incredible, and beautiful, and pretty much amazing just how you are.
I love you, Linda!
Rae
Reach
Hi!
First off I want to say I miss ya’ll so much! i’ve met some pretty cool people here, but there’s not a group anything like you all. I’m involved in the local CCF (Christian Campus Fellowship) and the BSU (Baptist Student Union). There are some pretty crazy people here, but they’ve got nothing on you! They’re a Brian Regan quoting bunch, but we haven’t tried to stuff 9 people in a 7-seater van or play croquet in the dark yet. Mafia isn’t a big deal here, which is pretty sad. I definetly miss our games! When they do play it’s all Very Serious. Not nearly as much fun as our games!
I’m doing pretty good here, definitely learning a lot! I’m learning the ins and outs of how a camp runs, as well as a lot of office management type stuff. They’ve got the interns learning how to use things like Photoshop and Premier Pro Movie maker. I’ve been making a lot of phone calls too, neither of the other girls likes talking on the phone so I take care of most of that. It’s pretty much scheduling things like speaking at youth groups and setting up interviews with the campers.
Linda has decided that presenting our ministry is “my thing” so I’ve been speaking at a lot of local youth groups, and hopefully will be able to speak at a few college groups soon. I really like it, you know me, I love to talk! ;)
Linda teaches riding lessons two days a week and I usually help her. It’s pretty basic stuff, mostly. But we’ve been trying to introduce the kids to stuff like barrel-racing and pole-bending lately, that’s a lot of fun!
We’re getting ready to start a camper mentoring program soon. Basically we’ve matched staff members with campers to mentor. I’m excited about this program, I think it’s a great way to keep in contact with the kids throughout the year, as well as a way to make a more permanent impact in their lives. I’m nervous about mentoring kids, but I know it’s what God wants of me right now and I know I can do it with His help.
It’s not all about the ministry here though, a lot of the program is focused on personal growth. We have a lot of discussion groups together. We’ll discuss things like the image of God, Fire, what it means to be Radical, all kinds of different subjects. I’m also expected to read at least three Christian Growth books (Max Lacado, John Piper, Charles Spurgon type books) or biographies each month and write a paper about each.
I’m also being mentored by Linda, which is great cause I work with her everyday, spend most evenings hanging out at either the interns house or hers, and hanging out at the horse barn between lessons. I’m the only intern willing or able to do most of the “manual labor” at camp (think: moving things, mowing, taking care of the animals, cleaning out older buildings) so we end up spending a lot of time together. It’s pretty much amazing, cause she’s the “older sister” figure I’ve needed for a long time. Spending time with Linda is definitely my favorite part of being an intern!
Ya’ll know some of what my home life is like, so it probably comes as no surprise that I love being here, in a Christian community, surrounded by people that love me, or at least like me! I’m having a great time, and I’m growing in my faith. It’s not perfect here by any means, it’s really difficult sometimes. A main point of the program is to be “stretched and grown” and that’s definitely happening! It can hurt sometime, but I know it’s all for good. It’s hard to be away from you all and my family at South Side but I know this is where God wants me right now. So that’s what’s been happening in my life lately. I can’t wait to see ya’ll soon!
Rae
First off I want to say I miss ya’ll so much! i’ve met some pretty cool people here, but there’s not a group anything like you all. I’m involved in the local CCF (Christian Campus Fellowship) and the BSU (Baptist Student Union). There are some pretty crazy people here, but they’ve got nothing on you! They’re a Brian Regan quoting bunch, but we haven’t tried to stuff 9 people in a 7-seater van or play croquet in the dark yet. Mafia isn’t a big deal here, which is pretty sad. I definetly miss our games! When they do play it’s all Very Serious. Not nearly as much fun as our games!
I’m doing pretty good here, definitely learning a lot! I’m learning the ins and outs of how a camp runs, as well as a lot of office management type stuff. They’ve got the interns learning how to use things like Photoshop and Premier Pro Movie maker. I’ve been making a lot of phone calls too, neither of the other girls likes talking on the phone so I take care of most of that. It’s pretty much scheduling things like speaking at youth groups and setting up interviews with the campers.
Linda has decided that presenting our ministry is “my thing” so I’ve been speaking at a lot of local youth groups, and hopefully will be able to speak at a few college groups soon. I really like it, you know me, I love to talk! ;)
Linda teaches riding lessons two days a week and I usually help her. It’s pretty basic stuff, mostly. But we’ve been trying to introduce the kids to stuff like barrel-racing and pole-bending lately, that’s a lot of fun!
We’re getting ready to start a camper mentoring program soon. Basically we’ve matched staff members with campers to mentor. I’m excited about this program, I think it’s a great way to keep in contact with the kids throughout the year, as well as a way to make a more permanent impact in their lives. I’m nervous about mentoring kids, but I know it’s what God wants of me right now and I know I can do it with His help.
It’s not all about the ministry here though, a lot of the program is focused on personal growth. We have a lot of discussion groups together. We’ll discuss things like the image of God, Fire, what it means to be Radical, all kinds of different subjects. I’m also expected to read at least three Christian Growth books (Max Lacado, John Piper, Charles Spurgon type books) or biographies each month and write a paper about each.
I’m also being mentored by Linda, which is great cause I work with her everyday, spend most evenings hanging out at either the interns house or hers, and hanging out at the horse barn between lessons. I’m the only intern willing or able to do most of the “manual labor” at camp (think: moving things, mowing, taking care of the animals, cleaning out older buildings) so we end up spending a lot of time together. It’s pretty much amazing, cause she’s the “older sister” figure I’ve needed for a long time. Spending time with Linda is definitely my favorite part of being an intern!
Ya’ll know some of what my home life is like, so it probably comes as no surprise that I love being here, in a Christian community, surrounded by people that love me, or at least like me! I’m having a great time, and I’m growing in my faith. It’s not perfect here by any means, it’s really difficult sometimes. A main point of the program is to be “stretched and grown” and that’s definitely happening! It can hurt sometime, but I know it’s all for good. It’s hard to be away from you all and my family at South Side but I know this is where God wants me right now. So that’s what’s been happening in my life lately. I can’t wait to see ya’ll soon!
Rae
I Am, I Can, I Will
I am, I can, I will
Unknown
Unknown
I am- two small words, and yet,
It’s a powerful “place” to be.
It’s my life, and I’m living it,
I am everything you see.
It’s a powerful “place” to be.
It’s my life, and I’m living it,
I am everything you see.
I am responsible for my actions,
And all the things I say and do.
I am responsible for my behavior,
And how i interact with you.
And all the things I say and do.
I am responsible for my behavior,
And how i interact with you.
I am responsible for the level of my work,
And the choices that I make.
I am responsible for the values I proffes,
And for the way that I communicate.
And the choices that I make.
I am responsible for the values I proffes,
And for the way that I communicate.
I can- two small words, and yet,
It’s a powerful “place” in which to be.
It’s my life and I’m living it,
Traveling the land, sky and sea.
It’s a powerful “place” in which to be.
It’s my life and I’m living it,
Traveling the land, sky and sea.
I can earn the respect of others,
And gain their friendship true.
I can honor all things living, and
Take care of my mind, health and body too.
And gain their friendship true.
I can honor all things living, and
Take care of my mind, health and body too.
I can do my best each day,
And I know my best is great,
I can continue to progress,
And move closer to my fate.
And I know my best is great,
I can continue to progress,
And move closer to my fate.
I will- two small words, and yet,
It’s a powerful “place” in which to be.
It’s my life and I’m living it,
I will be everything, just wait and see.
It’s a powerful “place” in which to be.
It’s my life and I’m living it,
I will be everything, just wait and see.
I will use my talents wisely,
Learn to manage the moods of life.
I will respect my ups and downs,
Ask for help in overcoming strife.
Learn to manage the moods of life.
I will respect my ups and downs,
Ask for help in overcoming strife.
I will is a promise to see clearly,
It reveals my strength to win.
As I arrive at mutual resolutions
It reveals my strength to win.
As I arrive at mutual resolutions
And look for my answers from within.
I’m young, still learning, growing, changing,Yet I have ideals, noble goals and plans,
For things like a healthy environment,
World peace and a crime-free land.
No longer a child, yet not an adult,
I am a teenager still,
But I don’t underestimate my value,
Because I am, I can, I will.
Sep 28, 2011
Someone Worth Dying For
Someone Worth Dying For
You might be the wife, waiting up at night
You might be the man, struggling to provide
feeling like it's hopeless
Maybe you’re the son who chose a broken road
Maybe you’re the girl thinking you'll end up alone
Praying God can you hear me?
Oh, God are you listening?
Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I want to believe, I want to believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah, I want to believe, Jesus help me believe
That I am someone worth dying for
I know you've heard the truth that God has set you free
But you think you're the one that grace could never reach
So you just keep asking, Oh, what everybody's asking
Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I want to believe, I want to believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah, I want to believe, Jesus help me believe
That I am someone worth dying for
Your worth it, you can't earn it
Yeah, the cross has proven,
That you're sacred and blameless.
Your life has purpose!
You are more than flesh and bone
Can't you see your something beautiful
Yeah, you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see that
You're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known
You gotta believe, you gotta believe
That you are someone worth dying for
You're someone worth dying for
Someone worth dying for
The words in this song mean so much to me. i remember the first time i heard it... it's like it was written for me. Most of the time i feel like God is distant, not really caring or involved in my everyday life. i feel like I'm not seen and not known. It's hard for me to believe that I'm worth dying for. i don't believe that I'm worth protecting, and in my mind dying for someone is the ultimate protection. To think that God thinks I'm worth dying for is really hard for me to grasp. i want to believe it, but its so hard.
You might be the wife, waiting up at night
You might be the man, struggling to provide
feeling like it's hopeless
Maybe you’re the son who chose a broken road
Maybe you’re the girl thinking you'll end up alone
Praying God can you hear me?
Oh, God are you listening?
Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I want to believe, I want to believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah, I want to believe, Jesus help me believe
That I am someone worth dying for
I know you've heard the truth that God has set you free
But you think you're the one that grace could never reach
So you just keep asking, Oh, what everybody's asking
Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I want to believe, I want to believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah, I want to believe, Jesus help me believe
That I am someone worth dying for
Your worth it, you can't earn it
Yeah, the cross has proven,
That you're sacred and blameless.
Your life has purpose!
You are more than flesh and bone
Can't you see your something beautiful
Yeah, you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see that
You're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known
You gotta believe, you gotta believe
That you are someone worth dying for
You're someone worth dying for
Someone worth dying for
The words in this song mean so much to me. i remember the first time i heard it... it's like it was written for me. Most of the time i feel like God is distant, not really caring or involved in my everyday life. i feel like I'm not seen and not known. It's hard for me to believe that I'm worth dying for. i don't believe that I'm worth protecting, and in my mind dying for someone is the ultimate protection. To think that God thinks I'm worth dying for is really hard for me to grasp. i want to believe it, but its so hard.
Sep 23, 2011
Intro to the CDO Interns
Julia is studying to become a certified event coordinator and is involved with planning weekend retreats, fundraisers, and alumni staff events, overseeing the camp kitchen, planning retreat menus, and staffing the kitchen for retreats. She is also excited to be part of jump-starting the mentoring program. She does all cooking, meal planning, and most of the cleaning for the interns.
Rae was a wrangler during summer camp, and will be an exciting addition to the horseback riding lessons. She is a huge part of the brainstorming sessions, and is everyone's "right hand"! She is the easy going, laid back personality in the intern community!
Laura is a great help in the office this year, she is already showing her skills as a graphic designer. Laura is the entertainer among the interns, she keeps them on their toes 24/7.
Sep 22, 2011
Hope Rising
Hope Rising /Kim Meeder
Hope Rising is a collection of stories from Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch in central Oregon. CPYR rescues abused or neglected horses, and ministers to hurting kids and youth by pairing them with a horse and a leader.
i really liked this book cause there are so many stories about God working through the horses to help the kids. A lot of the kids don't know or believe in God, but he shows them his love through the horses. He allows the horses to connect with the kids in ways the adults in their lives sometimes can't.
There's a story about a girl who is hurting and won't speak to anyone, except her horse. She'll sit and talk to the horse in the rain, and share everything with her. These kids learn to trust and love, and they begin to open up to people again.
It's really cool how God can teach the kids about himself without a church, a pastor, Christian parents, or even the bible. God shows himself in the world around them, and lets them choose to discover more on their own.
What was really interesting to me was this idea of God being all around me, and showing himself in the everyday things that happen, or in the people i see, or the animals i play with.
i tend to keep God in a "church" box, and i need to see him in the world around me, in everyday interactions.
Sep 15, 2011
Paint Brush
Paint
Brush
Unknown
I keep my
paint brush with me
Wherever I go,
In case I need
to cover up
So the real me
doesn’t show.
I’m so afraid
to show you me,
Afraid of what
you’ll do- that
You might
laugh or say mean things.
I’m afraid I might lose you.
I’d like to
remove all my paint coats
To show you
the real, true me,
But I want you
to try and understand,
I need you to
accept what you see.
So if you’ll
be patient and close your eyes,
I’ll strip off
all my coats real slow.
Please
understand how much it hurts
To let the
real me show.
Now my coats
are all stripped off
I feel naked,
bare, and cold
And if you
still love me with all that you see,
You are my
friend, pure as gold.
I need to save
my paint brush, though,
And hold it in
my hand,
I want to keep
it handy,
In case
somebody doesn’t understand.
So please
protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for
loving me true,
But please let
me keep my paint brush with me
Until I love
me too.
Sep 13, 2011
Reflections
This is a letter introducing my time at CDO, and talking about some of the things that i learned at camp this summer. Enjoy!
Hi!
This summer I had the opportunity to work at Camp David of the Ozarks in Rolla, MO. This camp is for the children of prisoners, at-risk youth. Most of these kids wouldn’t ever get the chance to experience summer camp if not for this ministry, and most aren’t shown the Love of God in their everyday life. At this camp I had the opportunity to interact with these kids and talk to them about Christ. For 6 weeks this summer (5 weeks of camp and a week of training) I worked with the camp horses as a wrangler. It was an incredible experience! I learned so many things, about horses, relationships, life in general, and especially about God.
When I look back over the summer three things really stand out to me. The first is a camper we had the first Jr. girls week. She was so sweet, and shy. She was scared of the horses at first, but at the end of the first ride she said she loved horseback riding! I watched her that week, I watched as she became more comfortable and opened up to people more. She accepted Christ that week and I got to see her baptized before the end of camp. It was so incredible to watch her, she was so excited to have God as her “Daddy”. That one little girl made the whole summer worth it, and there were so many more kids like that.
The second thing that really stands out to me is just how God showed Himself to me every day in a thousand ways. Through His word, through the worship, through group prayer, through other people. Being out in His creation for hours every day showed me how remarkable it really is. Sunrises, sunsets, stars, light, dark, color, leaves, flowers, trees, water. It’s all so incredible, and I miss it so often. It’s so humbling to realized how complex this universe truly is, and to think that God still cares about and listens to me.
The third thing is something God began to teach me this summer. I’ve always thought of myself as strong, and God really worked on me this summer, to get me to a place where I realized that I’m not strong enough on my own. ”Ephesians 6:10 Lastly be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his power.” Be strong in the Lord, not in yourself. That was something camp taught me, I can’t do it all on my own, but through Christ I can do anything.
That’s just some of what happened this summer at camp. It was an incredible experience and I’m super excited to continue working at CDO throughout the next year as an intern. I know God will work in my life in amazing ways this next year, and I’m very excited to be a part of His work in this ministry.
Rae Marie
Hi!
This summer I had the opportunity to work at Camp David of the Ozarks in Rolla, MO. This camp is for the children of prisoners, at-risk youth. Most of these kids wouldn’t ever get the chance to experience summer camp if not for this ministry, and most aren’t shown the Love of God in their everyday life. At this camp I had the opportunity to interact with these kids and talk to them about Christ. For 6 weeks this summer (5 weeks of camp and a week of training) I worked with the camp horses as a wrangler. It was an incredible experience! I learned so many things, about horses, relationships, life in general, and especially about God.
When I look back over the summer three things really stand out to me. The first is a camper we had the first Jr. girls week. She was so sweet, and shy. She was scared of the horses at first, but at the end of the first ride she said she loved horseback riding! I watched her that week, I watched as she became more comfortable and opened up to people more. She accepted Christ that week and I got to see her baptized before the end of camp. It was so incredible to watch her, she was so excited to have God as her “Daddy”. That one little girl made the whole summer worth it, and there were so many more kids like that.
The second thing that really stands out to me is just how God showed Himself to me every day in a thousand ways. Through His word, through the worship, through group prayer, through other people. Being out in His creation for hours every day showed me how remarkable it really is. Sunrises, sunsets, stars, light, dark, color, leaves, flowers, trees, water. It’s all so incredible, and I miss it so often. It’s so humbling to realized how complex this universe truly is, and to think that God still cares about and listens to me.
The third thing is something God began to teach me this summer. I’ve always thought of myself as strong, and God really worked on me this summer, to get me to a place where I realized that I’m not strong enough on my own. ”Ephesians 6:10 Lastly be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his power.” Be strong in the Lord, not in yourself. That was something camp taught me, I can’t do it all on my own, but through Christ I can do anything.
That’s just some of what happened this summer at camp. It was an incredible experience and I’m super excited to continue working at CDO throughout the next year as an intern. I know God will work in my life in amazing ways this next year, and I’m very excited to be a part of His work in this ministry.
Rae Marie
Sep 12, 2011
Tears
She was looking at me, tears filling her eyes, “I love you” She said. I bowed my head, covered my face with my hands and began to sob. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been told I was loved. Tears fell, my whole body shook. Ii had never dared to imagine that she would love me, even tho I wanted her love so much it hurt to think she didn’t. I had worked so hard to do everything I could to earn her approval, at least, and here she was offering love. Not love in exchange for something, but love for just me.
Emotion overwhelmed me: pain, longing, joy, and love consume me. I’m aware of her leading me out of the building, across the driveway and into the house I was living in. We go into my room, she closes the door while I lower myself to the floor, still sobbing. She sits across from me and just lets me cry. After a few minutes I calm down enough to speak. “I don’t remember the last time someone said they love me.” Pain flashes in her eyes. It’s quiet for a few moments, and then she begins to speak.
We talk for over an hour, and her message is simple: I am worth loving. This alone is nearly impossible for me to believe, but then she adds something altogether unimaginable. She tells me that God has made me incredible, and if I would realize my potential, and truly shine, this world wouldn’t be ready for me.
When we left that room I didn’t look any different. But she had given me a hope, that someday someone else would love me enough to see what she saw, and be willing to give the time and energy to help me heal enough so I can see it too. I never imagined that for the next year that person would be her. If a year with her is all I get, I’ll make it count. Cause I want to see me the way she does, and I want to shine for her.
It’s remarkable what simple, heartfelt tears can start.
Emotion overwhelmed me: pain, longing, joy, and love consume me. I’m aware of her leading me out of the building, across the driveway and into the house I was living in. We go into my room, she closes the door while I lower myself to the floor, still sobbing. She sits across from me and just lets me cry. After a few minutes I calm down enough to speak. “I don’t remember the last time someone said they love me.” Pain flashes in her eyes. It’s quiet for a few moments, and then she begins to speak.
We talk for over an hour, and her message is simple: I am worth loving. This alone is nearly impossible for me to believe, but then she adds something altogether unimaginable. She tells me that God has made me incredible, and if I would realize my potential, and truly shine, this world wouldn’t be ready for me.
When we left that room I didn’t look any different. But she had given me a hope, that someday someone else would love me enough to see what she saw, and be willing to give the time and energy to help me heal enough so I can see it too. I never imagined that for the next year that person would be her. If a year with her is all I get, I’ll make it count. Cause I want to see me the way she does, and I want to shine for her.
It’s remarkable what simple, heartfelt tears can start.
Dependant
I was listening to a Dutton song and looking thru Wrangler pictures from earlier in the summer. Sounds pretty simple but it actually reminded me of something that I’ve been learning this summer. It’s OK to depend on other people. This is really hard concept for me, I’ve always been strong enough on my own, I don’t need other people… The song talks about how God created us to have relationships, and how even Jesus had friends he depended on. And as I was looking at the pictures of the wrangler team, I remembered what it was like to have that group that I could count on, that was always there, pushing me on when I needed it, helping me up when I fell, and encouraging me the whole time.
In this community we’re building thru the internship I’ve found I have to depend on others more than ever before. I live with these people, I can’t just hide behind my smile for a few hours and then go away like I can everywhere else. They’re starting to know me, to really see me. Not just what I want them to see, but what I don’t want them to see. It’s forcing me to be honest with them, and them with me. And I’m starting to depend on them, even confide in a few of them. It’s not what I’m used to, it’s not how I interact with people, it’s entirely different. But that’s ok, cause I’m learning and growing, and that’s what I’m here for.
In this community we’re building thru the internship I’ve found I have to depend on others more than ever before. I live with these people, I can’t just hide behind my smile for a few hours and then go away like I can everywhere else. They’re starting to know me, to really see me. Not just what I want them to see, but what I don’t want them to see. It’s forcing me to be honest with them, and them with me. And I’m starting to depend on them, even confide in a few of them. It’s not what I’m used to, it’s not how I interact with people, it’s entirely different. But that’s ok, cause I’m learning and growing, and that’s what I’m here for.
Sep 8, 2011
The Five Love Languages
I really enjoyed this book, I think the concept of different love languages is fascinating. I’m not sure which is my primary love language, I can identify with all five of them. I like to show others love by giving them compliments, or encouraging them. I don’t often feel “loved” when given compliments they don’t mean much to me, I just kinda brush them off as not true. I also like to give people things, whether it’s something I made or something I bought, I put a lot of thought into it, and it’s important that it be something meaningful. A lot of the time the gift will have more significance to me than to the other person. I also lie showing love thru helping or serving someone. Even if it’s something really simple like clearing the table or washing the dishes, that’s a way for me to show someone that I care about them.
The way I feel loved is through spending time with someone. I like spending time with someone I care about, it could be talking on the phone for an hour, or spending an afternoon hanging out, or just living life together. I also feel loved when a guy hugs me. Having a guy wrap his arms around me makes me feel completely safe and loved. I have some theories about why this is only happens with guys, but that’s a whole other topic ;)
What I learned most from this book is how to recognize how others feel love, and understanding why they feel that way, and how to respond to each of them.
I think the best way to apply what I learned from this book is to put in to practice how to love others in a way they really understand.
Sep 2, 2011
Impressions
Some people come into our lives and quietly go.
Some people move our souls to dance;
They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gave upon;
They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts,
And we are never, ever the same.
Some people move our souls to dance;
They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gave upon;
They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts,
And we are never, ever the same.
Aug 15, 2011
Unconditional Love
Unconditional Love
George C. Youngs
George C. Youngs
Remember, dear, when you’re a success,
I’ll be happy as can be.
But remember, too, that when you fail,
You can always come to me.
I’ll be happy as can be.
But remember, too, that when you fail,
You can always come to me.
We’ll share the bad times too,
For my love had no conditions, dear,
That’s what I give to you.
Aug 14, 2011
Gotta Be Somebody
Ok, so I was listening to music, and a popular Nickelback song came on. I’ve heard this song prolly 50 times but I’ve never really thought about it before. In this song the entire western philosophy of love is present. Don’t believe me? Let me show you. Here’s the song in it’s entirety and then I’ll break it down line by line and give my commentary.
Gotta Be Somebody/ Nickelback
This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
You can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)
When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh
Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
And here’s my rather sarcastic commentary. i don't feel that i need to point out what is wrong with this picture, if you read the words and know even a little about real love, being unselfish, and caring about others you'll see what is wrong.
This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life ,the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
Dreams, imagining, fantasy, but the “real” thing is so much better! And you’ll know it by the feeling, cause everyone knows love is just a feeling.
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
It’ll happen just like in the movies. All those romantic movies you watch? Yea it’s a good thing! Now you’ll know exactly what to look for, and you’ll recognize it when it happens. How can you not? You’ve watched it happen at least 462,000 times.
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
You want to feel like someone cares, not know for certain they care by their actions. My life in their hands, cause it’s not really 50/50, the other person is expected to carry the load.
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
Of course no one wants to be alone! And you shouldn't! There is definitely someone somewhere that also wants to not feel alone. And they're expecting you to make that happen. Just so you know.
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
It happens in a moment, you will realize in a single moment if this is the “one” (it usually involves a kiss!) And, dammit, it will feel just right, not too right, not wrong, not ok, just right!
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
You can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)
When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
It will come to you, you don’t have to go out to find it, or work hard at keeping it. It’ll just happen. There is one person, out of 100,000 billion people on the planet for you. Only one that will make you happy for the rest of your life. But it’s ok, cause you’ll find each other. You're meant to be, destined for each other. There is no one that could make you as happy as this one person.
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh
Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Just keep believing, it’ll happen without any work from you!
But what really sums up the philosophy of love, is this phrase right here: There's gotta be somebody for me. There is someone for me. It’s about me, and how someone else will make me happy.
And that, ladies and gentlemen is what is wrong with this culture’s view of love.
Gotta Be Somebody/ Nickelback
This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
You can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)
When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh
Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
And here’s my rather sarcastic commentary. i don't feel that i need to point out what is wrong with this picture, if you read the words and know even a little about real love, being unselfish, and caring about others you'll see what is wrong.
This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life ,the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
Dreams, imagining, fantasy, but the “real” thing is so much better! And you’ll know it by the feeling, cause everyone knows love is just a feeling.
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
It’ll happen just like in the movies. All those romantic movies you watch? Yea it’s a good thing! Now you’ll know exactly what to look for, and you’ll recognize it when it happens. How can you not? You’ve watched it happen at least 462,000 times.
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
You want to feel like someone cares, not know for certain they care by their actions. My life in their hands, cause it’s not really 50/50, the other person is expected to carry the load.
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
Of course no one wants to be alone! And you shouldn't! There is definitely someone somewhere that also wants to not feel alone. And they're expecting you to make that happen. Just so you know.
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with
It happens in a moment, you will realize in a single moment if this is the “one” (it usually involves a kiss!) And, dammit, it will feel just right, not too right, not wrong, not ok, just right!
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
You can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)
When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
It will come to you, you don’t have to go out to find it, or work hard at keeping it. It’ll just happen. There is one person, out of 100,000 billion people on the planet for you. Only one that will make you happy for the rest of your life. But it’s ok, cause you’ll find each other. You're meant to be, destined for each other. There is no one that could make you as happy as this one person.
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh
Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Just keep believing, it’ll happen without any work from you!
But what really sums up the philosophy of love, is this phrase right here: There's gotta be somebody for me. There is someone for me. It’s about me, and how someone else will make me happy.
And that, ladies and gentlemen is what is wrong with this culture’s view of love.
Aug 13, 2011
Red Riding Hood
i just finished watching Red Riding Hood. It was pretty much what i expected, which is what you say? Well.... Ok i didn't know much about this movie, which is weird for me. Usually i don't watch a movie unless i know the general story line. Anyway, i had only seen one preview for this movie, but i decided to watch it anyways. From that one preview i guessed that the story would be very much a fairy tale, a romanticised version of the little red riding hood story. Lots of fantasy, lots of dramatic camera shots. Very cool costumes. And that was pretty much what this movie was like. i enjoyed it, don't get me wrong, it's a very interesting twist on a rather boring tale. i just wasn't in the mood for a romantic, dramatic movie. Plus it was too romantic. People don't actually go after love like that. People settle for far less than true love, they don't endure as much as Valerie and Peter do. In real life Valerie would have married Henry and Peter wouldn't have tried as hard to stop it. Sorry, this is a person pet peeve of mine. i really hate movies that display love in this way, because it's so inaccurate. Sorry, back to the review. It's a well-made movie, and a pretty captivating story. i especially liked how they showed that the desire for money is what caused so many deaths. i thought that was an appropriate touch. i recommend it. (Unless you're like me and really hate movies that show love this way)
Aug 12, 2011
Darkness
"So, what are you afraid of?" He said, his eyes teasing me. This was all a game to him.
"You'll laugh," i said, "It's so dumb."
"No i won't, i'd never laugh at something you're really afraid of."
i glanced up at him, he looked sincere, with just a tough of concern. i took a deep breath, "Ok, i'm, um, i'mafraidofthedark." i said quickly, trying to get it over with. His face relaxed, and he smiled. "Why are you afraid of the dark?"
i sighed. i hated to explain it. "Because i can't see, and i don't feel safe in the dark. Anyways, it's creepy."
He stared at me for a moment without saying anything, then smiled, almost mischievously. His eyes began to twinkle. It was that look, he had an idea.
"Come with me." He said as he grabbed my hand and started towards the door.
We ran to the door, outside and up the concrete steps till we were on the lawn outside the church. It was a warm summer night, late enough to be pretty dark. He turned me to face him, and took my hands in his.
"Please don't be afraid of the dark, if you are you'll miss the most amazing thing about it." i cocked my head to the side, and looked at him questioningly. "What do you mean?"
"Look up. The dark is the only place for stars to shine."
i looked up, and saw thousands of stars. More than i'd ever noticed before. It was magical.
"See Sunshine, it's not all bad. Stars are so beautiful, if you avoid the dark you miss out on the magic of starlight." He looked straight into my eyes and smiled so warmly, i couldn't help but smile back.
"Ok," i laughed, "i'll remember that. Thank you Andy!" He reached out to me and i leaned into his arms. It felt safe. We stood there, looking at the stars, just holding each other.
It was the most precious summer night i can remember.
"You'll laugh," i said, "It's so dumb."
"No i won't, i'd never laugh at something you're really afraid of."
i glanced up at him, he looked sincere, with just a tough of concern. i took a deep breath, "Ok, i'm, um, i'mafraidofthedark." i said quickly, trying to get it over with. His face relaxed, and he smiled. "Why are you afraid of the dark?"
i sighed. i hated to explain it. "Because i can't see, and i don't feel safe in the dark. Anyways, it's creepy."
He stared at me for a moment without saying anything, then smiled, almost mischievously. His eyes began to twinkle. It was that look, he had an idea.
"Come with me." He said as he grabbed my hand and started towards the door.
We ran to the door, outside and up the concrete steps till we were on the lawn outside the church. It was a warm summer night, late enough to be pretty dark. He turned me to face him, and took my hands in his.
"Please don't be afraid of the dark, if you are you'll miss the most amazing thing about it." i cocked my head to the side, and looked at him questioningly. "What do you mean?"
"Look up. The dark is the only place for stars to shine."
i looked up, and saw thousands of stars. More than i'd ever noticed before. It was magical.
"See Sunshine, it's not all bad. Stars are so beautiful, if you avoid the dark you miss out on the magic of starlight." He looked straight into my eyes and smiled so warmly, i couldn't help but smile back.
"Ok," i laughed, "i'll remember that. Thank you Andy!" He reached out to me and i leaned into his arms. It felt safe. We stood there, looking at the stars, just holding each other.
It was the most precious summer night i can remember.
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