Random Conversations

Rae: *Laughing*
Laura: It's a good thing I'm so funny, or you would just be depressed all the time and like kill yourself or something.
Rae: Probably true. I'll have to make sure i marry someone with a really good sense of humor, or I'll be pretty much screwed.
Laura: Just not me, ok?
Rae: No, not you. We've lived together, and you know statistics say that couples that live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce. And I don't want to divorce you.
Laura: I'm gonna take that as a compliment....
Rae: Good.

Why is it that we have the most random, funny conversations when no one else is around to enjoy them too?

Dinner With My Parents

My parents came up to St. Roberts yesterday to have dinner with me. They've been asking for the past couple of months to come up and see me, and i finally gave in and set up a time to meet with them. It went pretty much how i expected it would. They acted excited to see me, and wanted to know everything that was going on in my life. They want a relationship. They want me to be their loving, devoted daughter. But i can't. After 20 years i don't think i can just suddenly decide to love them, and want to have a meaningful relationship with them. After everything I've been through, after all the fights and harsh words, after all the bruises and scars, i don't think i can let them in. It hurts to much....

New Music

So recently i formatted my mp3 player. I had all kinds of music on it, pop, country, musicals, christian, indie, disney, just about everything. But i decided i needed to really focus on making God a constant part of my day. So i formatted my mp3 player and put only christian music on it. It's kind of scary how much my attitude changes depending on the music i listen to. I've been... not happier, but calmer and had a more dependent attitude towards God. I feel like, no matter what, He's got it covered. Which I don't feel most of the time! It's pretty cool how i can control my emotional state of mind simply by what kind of music i play. Kinda scary to, tho!

She Walked Away

I was listening to this song today, and I suddenly realized that while I've always thought of it applying to a friend of mine, it actually applies to me, almost more than to her. While she left the church, moved in with her boyfriend, and had a kid, i did something worse. I emotionally walked away from God. I continued to go to churches, say i was a Christian, sing the songs, speak the language, and spend time with other Christians. But I didn't mean any of it. It was just what i did. I couldn't take the pain anymore, and i couldn't understand why God allowed it, but i thought i wasn't supposed to be angry at God, so i shut down. I walked away from God, without any outward signs of leaving. I wanted complete freedom, from rules, obligations, and society in general. For a long time i wasn't willing to give up everything to go find it, and then suddenly i was willing. I was ready, i was packed, i had a plan and a "one way ticket" to a new life. I couldn't explain it, but i knew i had to leave, i had to give up everything, and just run. But God, our amazing, loving Father, reached down to save me from myself. He brought me to a place where i could realize just how much i was hurt, and He showed me that only He could heal me, and that He wanted to heal me. It wasn't just that i could be healed, but that He wants to see me whole and healthy. I know people that were and are praying for me, praying that i will "come back to God" in every way.  Only God knows how this story will end, but i hope and pray that it will end happily.    

"She Walked Away"

She couldn't take one more day
Home was more her prison now
Independence called out
She had to get it

A fight was all she needed
To give her reason
She slammed the door with no goodbye
And knew that it was time

Now she's driving too fast
She didn't care to glance behind
And through her tears she laughed
It's time to kiss the past goodbye

I'm finally on my own
Don't try to tell me no
There's so much more for me
Just watch what I will be

She walked away
Couldn't say why she was leaving
She walked away
She left all she had believed in
She walked away

Not a day goes by
For the one she's left behind
They're always asking why
And thoughts of her consume their mind

God please let her know
The love we tried to show
We'd promise anything
If you'd just bring her home

She walked away
Couldn't say why she was leaving
She walked away
She left all she had believed in
She walked away

Tell her we love her
And tell her she's wanted
One more thing God
Tell her please come home
Please come home

She walked away
Couldn't say why she was leaving
She walked away
She left all she had believed in
She walked away
Couldn't say why she was leaving
She walked away
She left all she had believed in

The choice is yours alone now
Tell me how this story ends

[Spoken:]
While the son was still a long way off
His father saw him, and felt compassion for him
And ran and embraced him and kissed him
"Let us celebrate for this child of mine was dead
And he has come back to life,
He was lost and now he is found"
And they began to celebrate
[Luke 15:20 and 24]

God's Valentine

This is for all of thie girls in my life. You are all beautiful, amazing, talented women, and i'm privileged to know each of you! Remember that our Father loves you even more than any guy ever could, and remember to run to Him when you feel lonely, or plain. Because He sees none of that, all He sees is His beautiful daughter! 

"Plain"

He made you feel plain
When he forgot your name
Well let me tell you something,
I have felt the same.
I know you're in pain
But there'll be another Boy along the way and
God he made you beautiful and
There's nothing about you thats plain.

[CHORUS]
You are jewel you're a treasure
You are one of a kind
And you shine just as bright
As the stars in the sky
You're a rare kind of wonder
Created just right
So keep your head up no matter the pain
Theres nothing about you thats plain

You tell me you're not the type
The kind of girl that they like
And your a little insecure about
How you look in their eyes.
Well fashion will change,
Trends come and go everyday,
But God only made one of you and
There's nothing about you thats plain

[CHORUS]
You are a jewel you're a treasure
You are one of a kind and
You shine just a bright as
The stars in the sky.
You're a rare kind of wonder created just right
So keep your head up no matter the pain
Theres nothing about you thats plain.

See your mind, it is precious
Though your heart may be restless
And your eyes they will see
All that you're meant to be
'Cause your spirit is strong
And your soul carries on
You'll keep your head up no matter the pain
There's nothing about you that's plain

You know I've had my days,
When I feel out of place....yea
I look at who I am,
Cover what I can ,
I wish it all would change. But...
Take the makeup away
You see the same girl still remains..
She may not feel that beautiful
But theres nothing about her thats plain.

[CHORUS]
You are jewel you're a treasure
You are one of a kind
And you shine just as bright
As the stars in the sky
You're a rare kind of wonder
Created just right so keep
Your head up no matter the pain
Theres nothing about you thats plain

You may have felt plain,
But...God, He knows your name
Let me tell you something, yeah...
There's nothing about you that's plain 

Vday

"Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single and lonely, then it's called Laundry Day."  

Totally true!! I love it! 

Me Frustrated = Laura Getting Out Of Chores

So this evening i realized why Laura isn't ever too upset when I'm overly frustrated. When I'm frustrated, angry, or generally unhappy, i grab my mp3 player, turn the volume way up, and i clean things. I have to get away from the situation and think for a while, and i can't think sitting still, so i do something physical, like clean. For instance, after today, i cleaned both bathrooms, washed all the dishes, mopped the floor in my room, folded my clothes, swept the stairs, and i would have vacuumed if our vacuum was working. By then end of it, all my chores were done... And so were Laura's! Now i know why she's never too upset when I'm mad, she gets out of all the work!!

347

Reason #347 to not like kids:
They intentionally do something awful, and then apologize when they see that you are mad.

Example: Today i had to go down to the director's house to pick up some information from Grace. While i was their, i took of my snowy boots and left then by the door. As i was putting my boots back on, i realized that someone had scooped snow into them. Now, with wet socks and cold feet, i had to walk back to my house and leave to go help with a CCF project. I had planned on wearing my boots, but they are now very wet inside. Then the director's son says "Sorry for putting snow in your boots, Rae."
"That's ok, Timmy."  I said, but what i meant was "Why are you apologizing now,? Why did you do it in the first place?!?"

Freakin' A!!!!!

Messy Mondays

Recently there have been a lot of youtube videos by this guy, Jordan, being posted to Facebook by my friends. So i decided to look up a few and see if they were worth watching. They totally are! Not only are they hilarious, this kid is super smart he's willing to say it straight. He's got some really good points, and he can communicate them successfully (if a bit loudly). I'm really enjoying watching these videos, and i look forward to the new video every week. Ya'll should look up these videos!
http://www.blimeycow.com/

Performance Review Descriptions

So i've had several people say that i have #s 1, 2, 4, , 8, 12, 16, 18, and 19, (without the description).  I'm kinda nervous now, about what the actually meant, cause as far as i can see, this description applies too!!

#2 is most definitely true!! 
#4 is most definitely Not true!!
#8 is mostly true, when i get frustrated or mad enough, then i make a decision, but not usally before that point.
#12 i can be quite loud, if i want to be.
#16 Hmmm, i think i could get a job somewhere else if i wanted too...
#18 I can be quite punctual... if i want to be ;)
#19 Oh heck yes!! All the time!

Unengaged?

I got un-engaged tonight. It was very amicable,  I will always love him, and he will always be my "little buddy", but it's time we parted ways, so to speak. We will certainly still be friends, and i'm sure we will see each other occasionally, but it will never be the same... We will never be "Luke and Rae" again. I wish him the best tho, and i know he will always be like a brother to me!

The Tide Of Sorrow

The Tide Of Sorrow

George William Russell
 

On the twilight-burnished hills I lie and long and gaze
Where below the grey-lipped sands drink in the flowing tides,
Drink, and fade and disappear: interpreting their ways
A seer in my heart abides.


Once the diamond dancing day-waves laved thy thirsty lips:
Now they drink the dusky night-tide running cold and fleet,
Drink, and as the chilly brilliance o’er their pallor slips
They fade in the touch they meet.


Wave on wave of pain where leaped of old the billowy joys:
Hush and still thee now unmoved to drink the bitter sea,
Drink with equal heart: be brave; and life with laughing voice
And death will be one for thee.


Ere my mortal days pass by and life in the world be done,
Oh, to know what world shall rise within the spirit’s ken
When it grows into the peace where light and dark are one!
What voice for the world of men?