Lawyers....

Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers
Journal, the following are 22 questions actually asked of
witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the
responses given by insightful witnesses:

"Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

"The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

"Were you present when your picture was taken?"

"Were you alone or by yourself?"
"Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
"Did he kill you?"
"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
"How many times have you committed suicide?"

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: I have been since early childhood.

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon,
didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law somewhere.

Spinning

I'm spinning, I'm falling, I'm losing control.
it's all falling apart... or is it falling in place?
i just don't know.
i don't know what to do, i don't know where to turn,
all i know is I'm trusting You to catch me when i fall.
I'm putting it in your hands now, I'm letting go...
Protect me, lead me, show me what to do.
i don't know.
I'm spinning, I'm falling, I'm losing control.
Dear Father, please save me.
I'm losing control.

Out Of Control

My life is spinning out of control. I'm working two jobs, so 5-6 days a week, plus taking care of stuff at home, church stuff, and trying (read: failing) at keeping up with my friends. i've put 589 miles on my pickup in the past 8 days. That's why i've been MIA the past few weeks, and why I'm not gonna be around for the next few. There's a missions conference coming up at my church, so hopefully I'll have more time after that.... but I'm also planning a short trip to Kansas the next week... So i don't know. i just wanted to let y'all know i haven't fallen off the face of the earth, I'm just hovering at the edge ;) Hopefully I'll be back in a few weeks. See y'all later!

Teddy

Have we discussed small, white fluffy dogs? We need too. i've liked these kind of dogs for a long time, i was obsessed with westies for a while. Well, my mom has been fostering dogs for the last few months. They're all cute and its nice to have a  fun dog for a few days. But today she brought home a small, white, fluffy Maltese. Not good. His name is Teddy... and I'm in love. i absolutely adore him.... and i have talked my dad into letting me keep him! I'm so excited, he's so cute and fun and energetic, but he likes to cuddle too, and he doesn't bark much. i love him already, and that so not normal for me. I'm not an 'animal person'. Anyways, here's some pics of him.

Evening Star

Evening Star

William Blake

Thou fair hair'd angel of the evening,
Now, while the sun rests on the mountains light,
Thy bright torch of love; Thy radiant crown
Put on, and smile upon our evening bed!
Smile on our loves; and when thou drawest the
Blue curtains, scatter thy silver dew
On every flower that shuts its sweet eyes
In timely sleep. Let thy west wind sleep on
The lake; speak silence with thy glimmering eyes
And wash the dusk with silver. Soon, full, soon,
Dost thou withdraw; Then, the wolf rages wide,
And the lion glares thro' the dun forest.
The fleece of our flocks are covered with
Thy sacred dew; Protect them with thine influence.

80s Movies

This is a conversation i overheard:

"Hey that's that one chick in that bad 80s movie."
"Which one?"
"Pick one, they're all bad."

i dare you to defy this statement. Name an 80s movie that by today's standards isn't lame.

Steve

Steve-

i am highly annoyed at you right now. While i went to Fair Grove Baptist you were nice to me... sometimes. You would usually say hi if i happened to be in your line of vision. Most of the time. You are the king of "How are you? Fine? Good" *keeps walking* i know you are real with your friends, and that's great. If you don't really want to talk to me, that's fine too. But be consistent. Don't ignore my wall posts on facebook and then act all excited to see me months later. Also, i have told you, as nice as i know how, that while you're kids are wonderful and cute, i don't really like kids. It isn't ok to unceremoniously dump your kid in my lap without asking. And no, saying "Thanks" doesn't count or make it ok. Just so you know. And while its nice that you know make an effort to be friendly, its a little past due.

Rebecca/Rachel (you never could get my name right)

Ticked

Ok, so today i saw someone i haven't really spoken to in about 7 months. Just about a year ago this person made fun of me for liking a particular artist. They also made fun of me at another time for the kind of music i listen to in general. Like i said, i've seen this person since this happened, but not very much, and today i saw them in the place they teased me. Normally teasing doesn't faze me, i can just brush it off. Today when i saw them, i got kinda mad. Not like really angry, just kinda ticked. There is nothing wrong with the artist i liked, and no reason to say i was stupid for liking them. And ya know what? The know an awfully lot of songs that are in that particular genre. Most by artists they have deemed "lame".

All i have to say to this person is this: You are every bit as cool as you act like you are.

Reasons To Unfriend Someone

Go Forth and Unfriend
November 17th is National Unfriend Day.
Maybe its just my sick sense of humor but i think a national unfriend day is pretty funny. Facebook is such a big deal that we have to have a 'unfriend day' to get rid of people we don't like as much as we thought we did.
One reason to unfriend someone is because you just broke up with them. Yea, sounds like a compelling reason to me...
Another is because they don't post anything. Ever. We're talking statuses, pics, notes, anything. These are usually the same people that never respond to wall postings, messages, or tags. The whole reason for being fb friends is to keep in touch, hard to do if they don't reply to anything.
You don’t know who they are. Ok, if you're connected with someone you don't know, at all then you have more problems than just figuring out who to unfriend.
If they cause drama;
If we are not friends in the real world;
People I work with;
People who are rude, or attack me for petty things;
Do not make the effort to get to know me in person;
People whom I went to high school with, especially those I was not friends with;
Any guy that I am interested in, this spells DISASTER;
People who are condescending and patronizing;
People who type in a way that I can't understand;
Attention-seekers;
Posting on ALL of my posts.....
ANYONE that invites me to Farmville. Ever.
You don’t like them anymore;
Obnoxious photos;
“I wanted a free Whopper.”

In January, Burger King launched the Whopper Sacrifice application, which promised each Facebook user a free Whopper if they unfriended 10 people. It sounded simple enough, but if you chose to unfriend someone via the application, it sent a notification to that person, announcing they had been sacrificed for the burger. Burger King disabled the application within the month when the Whopper “proved to be stronger than 233,906 friendships.”

This is my personal favorite: If they committed murder upon one of my close relatives and/or pets. This is grounds for unfriending.

Unfriending

Unfriending
So i was looking for a facebook friend to ask him somthing, and relized we werent friends anymore... i know some people who would be really hurt by this. i'm not, i really don't care, and i don't see it as a "personal insult" kinda thing. i unfriend people a lot; i'm no longer friends with anyone i went to high school with, or very many ppl i met in the Philipines. i've just recently deleted most of the kids at the camps i went to (except a few that live around here that i still see at soccer games and stuff) and a lot of the people i used to go to church with, was in choir with, or were 'friends of friends'. And yet i still have, at last count 174 friends. i've gone thru my 'friends' several times and there's still no one i can delete, cause they go to my dads church and would get mad (even tho they never talk to me) or i see them just often enough that it would be rude. So annoying. i actually like unfriending people, it gives me a sense of uncluttering my life. i still think i have to many 'friends' but oh well.

Clown Shoes

So i was in walmart, looking for some new sneakers and the ones i liked were sold out of every color but white. i don't like white shoes, so i tried to think of a way to make the shoes more fun. Sharpie! So i got the sneakers, and had a great time un-whitening them. Lol. Once i was finished they kinda look like clown shoes, but thats ok. i don't really have thing about clowns, like some people do. Yea they're weird, and kinda creepy, but i'm not scared of them, so having "clown shoes" doesn't bother me, and anyway they're fun! i love looking down and seeing bright colors, it cheers me up. And they're completely original and totally me!



J38 Extinction

"Assuming that complete recovery were instantaneous, would you be willing to accept a year of total paralysis below the neck to prevent the otherwise certain extinction of a species of animal?"

Depends entirely on the animal.... But prolly not. In fact unless it was something ridiculously cool like Giraffes or Platypuses or something i wouldn't. i definitely wouldn't if it was like cats or chihuahua. In fact i would prevent anyone from saving Chihuahuas. i really hate those things. i am mean and heartless (i've been told) about animals, but that's just me.