Numb

For years I went through my days numb, not really feeling anything. I had built up walls high and thick, so nothing could hurt me, but instead of protecting me from just pain, I soon stopped feeling anything. I wasn’t happy or unhappy, I didn’t like or dislike anyone , I didn’t really feel anything. I could act happy or sad, convince people I was completely normal, without truly feeling anything. I needed to be numb just to get through life, but when I got here this summer my walls started to crumble, and by the time I started this internship they were pretty much gone. It sounds like a good thing, but once I started feeling things again my emotions went into overdrive. The pain is sharper, the love is deeper, I feel stress more, I laugh more, the loneliness is more consuming, but the time with people I care about is much sweeter. I’m not sure what to do, or even think about this. I’m hurting more then I was before, but at the same time I’m happier. I’m hoping that I feel everything so intensely right now cause I haven’t really felt anything for so long, and eventually my emotions will calm down and I will feel things normally.