Secret Angel Note

Earlier this evening Julia was getting a box of Snickers out of our pantry and found a secret angel note with my name on it. Secret Angels are something we have during camp, the staff draw names and write encouraging letters, pray for, or give small gifts to the person they chose. At the end of the week they have the option of telling their "secret victim" who they are. Anyways, it was a really sweet note, and the person must know me really well! They knew that hiding it with the Snickers meant that i'd eventually find it lol!

Hadassah

Hadassah is a fictionalized story of Esther, the Jewish girl who became the Queen of Persia. It was a very fascination story, I finished it in about two days. It’s the same story that’s in the Bible, but with a lot more details and information about the characters.
I liked the author’s perception of Esther’s spiritual life, that she wasn’t any closer to God at first than most people, and through growing closer to God she came to know what her purpose in the Palace was. Esther accomplished some pretty incredible things, because she let God use her where he put her. She didn’t know or understand why she was there, and didn’t want to be there but God turned it all for good.
I really liked this book cause I feel like if Esther didn’t have it all together in the beginning, and it still turned out so well, then maybe there’s hope for me too. She intentionally went looking for God, and she found Him all around her. She trusted God with everything, even her life, and He protected her and her people. That’s just really cool!

White Ink Tattoo

i was told about white ink tattoos recently and i'm really excited about it, i've wanted a tattoo for quite a while but i don't like dark ink on my skin or how tattoos can end up looking bad with age or if your skin changes at all. White ink is more subtle, looks more feminie and i think it wouldn't wear as badly.

December Newsletter Article

CDO is putting out a December newsletter, and they have decided that the theme is going to be the internship and mentoring. Ben asked me to write an article for the newsletter, here's my original. Ben and Grace have editing power, so it'll prolly look a little different by the time it's printed.


After almost two years of hearing about Camp David, I finally came to work as a wrangler this past summer. I loved being involved in the Christian community here at camp, as well as being challenged spiritually. At the end of the summer I decided I wanted to go deeper, and asked to be accepted as an Intern. Since being here full-time I’ve been able to explore and discover new talents and interests I didn’t even know I had, like public speaking, office work, photography, and training and caring for animals. I come from a larger city, so getting involved in the ‘small town life’ while living at camp has been interesting, and definitely an added bonus! So far I’ve been challenged more than I thought I would be, and stretched farther than I thought possible, but I’ve also developed close relationships with the other interns and with my mentor. There have been times when all I wanted to do was quit, go back to the easier job I had before, and stop being “challenged and stretched”, but I’ve stayed, worked through my personal issues with the help of God and the staff here, and I’m better for it. This internship is not all sunshine and flowers, it’s hard work coupled with the staff’s desire to see me grow and change. It’s a tough environment, but I’m really glad God brought me here. And there are some really great times too! Things like a random trip to Goodwill with Julia and Laura, or a quick question for Linda that turns into an hour long conversation that leaves me feeling refreshed and excited. The worship we have together every day, the shared meals, deciding who gets to use the washer first or whose turn it is for dishes, things like this that are teaching us how to live together successfully are another sometimes fun-sometimes not, part of living in community. All in all, being an intern is quite possibly the best thing that’s ever happened to me!

Numb

For years I went through my days numb, not really feeling anything. I had built up walls high and thick, so nothing could hurt me, but instead of protecting me from just pain, I soon stopped feeling anything. I wasn’t happy or unhappy, I didn’t like or dislike anyone , I didn’t really feel anything. I could act happy or sad, convince people I was completely normal, without truly feeling anything. I needed to be numb just to get through life, but when I got here this summer my walls started to crumble, and by the time I started this internship they were pretty much gone. It sounds like a good thing, but once I started feeling things again my emotions went into overdrive. The pain is sharper, the love is deeper, I feel stress more, I laugh more, the loneliness is more consuming, but the time with people I care about is much sweeter. I’m not sure what to do, or even think about this. I’m hurting more then I was before, but at the same time I’m happier. I’m hoping that I feel everything so intensely right now cause I haven’t really felt anything for so long, and eventually my emotions will calm down and I will feel things normally.

Little Giraffe

The interns went to the National Missionary Convention in Atlanta this weekend, more about that later. I had a hard couple of days before we left and i didn't feel real great while we were there. On Friday night Linda and i were walking around, checking out some of the other booths and found one selling tiny figurines of animals. They were awfully cute, and i was looking for a giraffe but couldn't find one. The next day, when i came in to work at our booth sitting on the table was a cute little giraffe! Linda, Julia and Laura had found one and bought it for me to cheer me up. It was really sweet of them, and i love him! He's got big blue eyes and an adorable red tie! Thanks girls!!

Know Me There

“It isn't Narnia, you know," sobbed Lucy. "It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?"
"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan.
"Are -are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund.
"I am," said Aslan. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”

Sometimes i feel like i was brought to this place to learn Aslan by His other name, yes i know what that name is and i know who that is, but i don't really know Him. I know Aslan, I'm safe with him. And I want to be close to God, but right now I'm still to hurt and scared to try to be close to Him, so i'll just keep finding out about Aslan, who He is, what He is, and what He wants for me, and hope that all of that will translate to God.

Thou Shalt...

I was reading this morning and came across this paragraph:

Nowhere in the Word of God does it say to the husband, "Thou shalt shovel the walk, mow the lawn and do all the repairs on the house."

i would like to know who decided this wasn't in the Bible?? I'm perfectly fine with this being added to the Ten Commandments!!

Why I'm Here

"Why are you in this internship?"

That was the question, but what was my answer? I was given 20 minutes to think about it, it wasn’t nearly enough time, and yet it was far too much. It sounds like a simple enough question, but within it are so many more layers, so many more questions.

I’m here because I want to heal. I’m here because I want to serve God. I’m here to find out who God really is, I’m here to find love and acceptance, I’m here because I want to be here. I’m here to learn. I’m here to escape, I’m here to make a difference. I’m here for me. I’m here for God.

I came here because in this place I’m loved, I’m safe, and I’m happy. I do believe in this mission, I do want to be a part of it, but that’s not really the reason I came here. I asked to be a part of the internship because during the summer at camp i felt safe, and loved. I didn't want to leave, i want to go deeper, not just feel loved and happy, but love others and be whole.

I came for me. I want to heal, to stop hurting, and to be loved. I’m looking for God, and He’s everywhere here. I thought if I was here for more than a few weeks during the summer, I might find Him. The people here accept me, love me, and encourage me. I came to be closer to them. They’re why I’ve stayed. These past few months have been harder than I ever thought they would be, but I’m still here. I’m still struggling through, with their help. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them. It would be far too hard for me to handle on my own.

That’s why I’m in this internship. For me, for God, and for my friends.

Vineyard

I've visited Vineyard Church in Rolla several times, there are some things i really like about it, and some things i dislike. I like pastor Matt, he's very engaging and his sermons are both applicable and interesting. He does something in their service that i've never seen before but i really like it. Every Sunday the pastor takes time to pray for another local church, no matter what the denomination. I appreciate this, because it shows unity and a willingness to interact with believers of different denominations. I also like the way they observe communion. They have all the bead and wine on table at the front of the church and everyone has to walk up and get their own, i like it better this way for a lit of reasons that deserve their own post so i'll do that later :p I enjoy the worship, and i like the type of songs they do.

The things i don't like are that they don't have a college age class on Sunday. It's really important to me to have a group i can meet with on Sunday, cause my evenings are so busy with camp stuff. The people in general aren't as friendly and welcoming as i would like them to be. i know a lot of people there from camp, and they always say hi or are willing to talk a bit afterwards, but i've never had someone from that church that i don't know greet me or try to engage in a conversation with me. i think for a church this size this is kind of sad.

i like this church overall, and if they had a college age group i could meet with i would keep attending there, but since they don't i'm off to find a church that does.

Talents

People talk about giving your gifts and talents to God so he can use them. But what if you don't know, or don't believe that you have any talents or gifts? How can you surrender something to God if you believe it doesn't exist? You can't. So in order to give God my talents or gifts, i have to believe Him when He says that i have them, and try to discover and develop them. I don't know what I'm good at, and I'm scared to try new things. I'm afraid that if i try something new, I'll fail at it, and then it'll just be another thing to add to the list of stuff I'm not good at. But if i don't try new things, I'll never know what i enjoy doing, I'll never get to experience being happy with what I'm doing. I don't know if I'll actually decide to do something completely different, but i might, you never know.

Treasure

Treasure
 

True treasure is not found in pirate ships,
In chests of silver and gold.
True treasure isn’t ruby rings
And jewels from long ago.
You don’t need to use a treasure map
And find chests beneath the sea.
True treasure is simply the love
And joy found in you and me.