Touch II

I've talked about touch before, but I don't really understand everything about how and why it's such a big deal to me. And not a big deal at the same time. When I'm being held, everything is fine. I'm safe, I'm loved, I'm protected, and no matter what has been going on, it'll all be ok.  
So the other night I was hanging out with some friends, and something different happened. I'd had a tough day, really a tough week, and I was upset. I like to be held when I'm upset, it's comforting and calming for me. Anyways, I ended up cuddling with a guy that I don't like. This guy has a girlfriend, I knew that when i sat next to him. I expected him to put his arm around me, but he took it to a whole new level. He made me feel warm and safe. At the end of the night he hugged me, and I thanked him for holding me.
It's confusing, because it felt good, but I'm not attracted to him at all. I'm just not. I don't know him, but from what I've seen he's a player. I don't respect him, trust him, or care about him. Even after all that.  It doesn't mean anything to me. It can be any guy, it doesn't matter, as long as he's holding me I feel great. There isn't any connection between us, if that makes sense. They can touch my body, make me feel loved and safe, but if I don't give them any of my heart, mind or soul, then it doesn't really matter. However, if I like the guy, if I trust him or respect him, then it's entirely different. The other night, I felt safe for a couple of hours, and then it was gone. A simple hug from someone I care about can last for days.
I don't know why being touched is such a big deal for me. I kind of wish it wasn't. It would make everything so much easier. The situation I'm living in now, I can go days, even a week or two without being touched at all. Even a quick hug, or a hand on my shoulder, it's not there. Most of the time I feel like my colors are fading, like I'll simply fade away if I can't have contact with people soon.