My Silent Night

So, i was challenged recently to share more about my faith. Especially my testimony. This is something i've never really done. Even my best friends only know little pieces of it. Not because i'm ashamed of it, or that i think my past it to terrible or anything. Its just that what God did for me is so personal, so intimate for me, that its hard to talk about. i can understand, and relate to music more than anything else, so it was fitting that God used a song to show me His love for me, and His people. i can't talk about it without crying, but since you're only reading this, you don't have to worry about that :p Well, here it is:

i grew up in a christian home. We were at church every time the doors were open, and even as a kid i helped my parents serve in the church. When i was 6 i said a prayer, but it didn't mean anything. i was 'good' at being 'christian'. i new all the right words, the right answers, i knew how to act. But none of it meant anything to me, i didn't care about God, or what He wanted me to do. All i cared about was getting my own way, dong what i wanted. To me, God was just an indifferent being, Christ was just a teacher. Yes he died, and rose again, but he was a supernatural being, they can do that. (i read way to much fantasy/sci fi)

Then one night everything changed.

i was 15. It seemed like my whole life was falling apart. Everything that i struggled with, all the events of my past, it all filled my mind and heart. i couldn't get away from it. For the first time i didn't have anyone to turn to. Not my brother, my friends, or my parents. i was completely alone. i felt like nothing mattered, my whole life was meaningless.

It was Christmas Eve, near midnight. i was in our living room wrapping presents, i always wrap the presents on Christmas Eve, i have since i was 12. The radio was playing, and i was wondering why Christmas is such a big deal? So Jesus was born, so what? Why is his birthday so important? What did it mean for me?

Then "Silent Night" began playing on the radio. Then it all clicked. Christ was born for me. He died for me. He cares about me, even when no one else did. He was so much more than just a teacher, He is God's Son. i realized my life is worthless without Him. i didn't deserve His love, but He gave it anyway.

Suddenly He was so much more than some indifferent being, He is my Savior. That night i gave my heart and life to Him. Surrounded by the light from the Christmas tree, i cried, i laughed, i prayed, and i sang to my God. Everything was different. i was different.

He is my Life, He is my Everything, He is my Savior, my Redeemer, my Creator, and my Friend. My life is to serve Him, i am nothing without Him, and everything in Him. He is my All, and i live to serve Him.

i didn't always have faith in God, even after this. There were days, weeks, even months where i questioned God, Salvation, Grace, everything. Part of it was that i was confused by the church i was in, and once i started going to a different church, where they explained things, my faith grew and i understand so much more now. There were many times where i denied God, either in my words, actions, or simply my unbelief. i'm sorry for those times, but if i hadn't questioned the authority, and teaching i was under i wouldn't be where i am or have the relationship i now have with Christ. i remember many chat conversations discussing all angles of modern Christianity, with someone who had many of the same questions and concerns that i did. Those conversations helped so much, i was able to really think out what i had problems with or what i didn't understand. But i'm on the right path now, i know my God and i know what He wants of me, and i'm gonna do my very best to glorify Him.