Elephants

     One of my goals in life is to not be stepped on by an elephant. Elephants have big feet, so being stepped on by one would probably hurt a lot. i don't like pain, so I've decided being stepped on by an elephant is something i should avoid.

I've thought of several ways to avoid getting stepped on by an elephant, and i believe that if i follow these guidelines I'll be safe from elephant steppage. The first is to avoid rampaging elephants. Rampaging elephants are much more likely to step on me that ones just walking, or grazing on grass. To stay away from rampaging elephants i need to stay away from places elephants are free to run loose. This is mostly parts of Asia, Africa, and the local zoo on the days the monkey's have escaped and picked the lock on the elephant enclosure.

Another way to avoid getting stepped on by an elephant is to have a very strong metal box around me. Now, as this is not the most practical way, i have dismissed it for everyday purposes, but i will consider it an alternative if i think there are elephants running loose near me and there is such a metal box available.

The third way i have deemed an acceptable way to avoid elephant steppage is to carry a tranquilizer gun and tranquilizers strong enough to knock out an elephant. This might be hard to buy, as I'm pretty sure they don't sell these at Wal-mart. However, if i could by some means, weather legal or otherwise, obtain such an object i could carry it with me much more conveniently than a large metal box.

These are just several alternatives, but i believe that if followed they can prove to be very useful ways of avoiding being stepped on by an elephant. So, if you suffer from elephant steppageitis, as i do, i hope these ideas have helped you.

Someone told me about different essays they've read that were well written, but funny or even ridiculous. i thought it sounded like a fun idea, and tried my hand at writing one. What do you think? (be honest)