Military Fun 2

Military etiquette:

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!

Communication Breakdown...The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For example, take a simple phrase like, "Secure the building."
• The Army will put guards around the place.
• The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
• The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy.
• The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.




Reaction to Snakes

•Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.
• Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.
• Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for more snakes.
• Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a putty tat."
• Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Can't find snake. Back to base for crew rest and the club and some sort of drink called "The Snake."
• Ranger: Plays with the snake, then eats it.




Lackland’s Laws:

1. Never be first.

2. Never be last.

3. Never volunteer for anything.






Fighter Pilots

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.




Biggest Lies In The AirForce




Base commander to the Inspector General: We’re glad you’re here.
Inspector General to the base commander: We’re only here to help.
Me? I’ve never busted minimums.
I have no interest in flying for the airlines.
We will be on time, maybe even early.
Pardon me, ma’am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.
I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.
All that turbulence spoiled my landing.
I’m a member of the mile high club.
I only need glasses for reading.
I broke out right at minimums.
The weather is gonna be alright; it’s clearing to VFR.
Don’t worry about the weight and balance — it’ll fly.
If we get a little lower I think we’ll see the lights.
We shipped the part yesterday.
I’d love to have a woman co-pilot.
All you have to do is follow the T.O.
This plane outperforms the T.O. by 20 percent.
The Air Force doesn’t work as hard as the other services.
Oh sure, no problem, I’ve got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.
I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.
No need to look that up, I’ve got it all memorized.
Sure I can fly it — it has wings, doesn’t it?
Your plane will be ready by 2 o’clock.
We fly every day — we don’t need recurrent training.
It just came out of annual — how could anything be wrong?
I thought YOU took care of that.
I’ve got the field in sight.
I’ve got the traffic in sight.
Of course I know where we are.
I’m SURE the gear was down.